Sunday, October 6, 2019
Monday, February 6, 2012
I'm Happily Married
It was on October 29, 2011 that I got married with the man whom I love. I am truly happy that finally he found me after all those long and windy road I've gone through. Having him by my side every morning when I wake up feels very comforting. He is handsome, caring, romantic, and he does help doing the house works yayy!!
I would like to say thank you to everyone who has following my stories (which are mostly sad ones). Here I am closing the gloomy and heart breaking pages with a whole new path of my life. Hopefully I and he will have an ever lasting happy marriage.
I would like to say thank you to everyone who has following my stories (which are mostly sad ones). Here I am closing the gloomy and heart breaking pages with a whole new path of my life. Hopefully I and he will have an ever lasting happy marriage.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Just Another Sad Story
My mind wandered to 28 June 2009, I got an email from him in which he wrote this one line that opened my heart "all things decided in heaven but happens on earth, that is the law of God".
We became good friends fast. We talked everyday, shared stories, and sometime he would call me and I got the chance to listen to his voice which I liked a lot. He sent me flower, doll, and some gifts to show that he cares. It didn't take much effort to get along with him, it seemed like we just understand each other and accept one another for who we are. He even didn't mind seeing me early in the morning when I just woke up with sleepy messy face, he said "it doesn't matter, let me see u". We shared a lot of things in common for example we both like slow romantic songs, we both believe in destiny, we both stubborn in the way that we don't care what people say about our relationship. They can say this was just for fun, they can say this was irrational, and they can say we better wake up and find someone real. However, we both ignored them. He would assure me that we can make it and he will be with me always.
Days went by and it was on the sixth month that he said he would come to visit me so that we can meet in person. Things didn't go well, he couldn't get his visa on time. You would have guessed what they said when he didn't come... yes they said "See what I told you, don't expect much from him. Better you find someone near". I shrugged it although I did feel sad. Then I waited another six months while he tried to get his visa again. This time our effort paid off, he got the visa with expiry date on October 2010. We both were so happy thinking that finally we will be able to see each other in person. He told me he wanted to go to his hometown before visiting me. I never thought that things could go wrong this time.
July 2010 passed by, then August, and September followed... still he didn't book his ticket to Jakarta. He would come up with his excuses, and the last one was that his father got sick which I think is true. But for me that is still an excuse. Why did he wait until the last days? Why didn't he come straight after he got his visa? I can get myself frustrated if I think about it, but the fact that he decided to not come can't be changed. I was devastated, this time he really blew away his last chance. I should come out and tell them all that they win and I lose.
I wasted another one year on a failed story... but a saying goes "every relationship is destined to be over except the one that isn't". I just need one that works out. So here I am closing another chapter of my love life, mending my heart for the next chapter. Wishing and hoping that the next story will be the one that works out.
We became good friends fast. We talked everyday, shared stories, and sometime he would call me and I got the chance to listen to his voice which I liked a lot. He sent me flower, doll, and some gifts to show that he cares. It didn't take much effort to get along with him, it seemed like we just understand each other and accept one another for who we are. He even didn't mind seeing me early in the morning when I just woke up with sleepy messy face, he said "it doesn't matter, let me see u". We shared a lot of things in common for example we both like slow romantic songs, we both believe in destiny, we both stubborn in the way that we don't care what people say about our relationship. They can say this was just for fun, they can say this was irrational, and they can say we better wake up and find someone real. However, we both ignored them. He would assure me that we can make it and he will be with me always.
Days went by and it was on the sixth month that he said he would come to visit me so that we can meet in person. Things didn't go well, he couldn't get his visa on time. You would have guessed what they said when he didn't come... yes they said "See what I told you, don't expect much from him. Better you find someone near". I shrugged it although I did feel sad. Then I waited another six months while he tried to get his visa again. This time our effort paid off, he got the visa with expiry date on October 2010. We both were so happy thinking that finally we will be able to see each other in person. He told me he wanted to go to his hometown before visiting me. I never thought that things could go wrong this time.
July 2010 passed by, then August, and September followed... still he didn't book his ticket to Jakarta. He would come up with his excuses, and the last one was that his father got sick which I think is true. But for me that is still an excuse. Why did he wait until the last days? Why didn't he come straight after he got his visa? I can get myself frustrated if I think about it, but the fact that he decided to not come can't be changed. I was devastated, this time he really blew away his last chance. I should come out and tell them all that they win and I lose.
I wasted another one year on a failed story... but a saying goes "every relationship is destined to be over except the one that isn't". I just need one that works out. So here I am closing another chapter of my love life, mending my heart for the next chapter. Wishing and hoping that the next story will be the one that works out.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Missing Him
Evening, I'm waiting for my bus to go home. This side of the road is full of workers who, like me, are waiting for their buses. Not usual, the street is jammed and the air is starting to fill with carbon. The sun is setting, making the sky darker bit by bit... My bus still hasn't shown up. It is kinda feel lonely to wait here alone.
It has been a week since he left for Pakistan, and we practically didn't chat since. He would text me everyday, sometime early in the afternoon, sometime late in the evening. Today he hasn't texted me, while I have been waiting since morning. Could he forget? Doesn't he miss me?
I really want to text him but I think I shouldn't, if he doesn't miss me then I better not make him thinks that I miss him. However, honestly I desperately miss him. How I wish he is here with me, accompanying me waiting for my bus. How can I say that I have a boyfriend if he is not here when I need him? Now the sky is getting darker and I'm feeling more lonely....
Monday, March 15, 2010
Last Update About Him
It will be my last post about him, as I have decided to let him live his own life.
After four months absent, three days ago he came in contact with me and told me that he has moved to another country with his wife to setup a business. He also told me that he is soon going to be a father and would like to name her 'Frita' if it is a daughter. He said he is very happy.
It was not easy to know he is going to be a father because it only means that he loves his wife and perfectly living his life... there's no more place for me. His words kept resounding in my head "I'm soon going to be a father"
Then I realized that I don't want to indulge myself in my fantasies about him anymore, I don't want to be the bad person who keeps a feeling for someone else's husband. It should be over here and now.
It took me three days to make up my mind, that is why I didn't write this earlier. However, I'm feeling better now and I have the courage to live my own life happily too.
After four months absent, three days ago he came in contact with me and told me that he has moved to another country with his wife to setup a business. He also told me that he is soon going to be a father and would like to name her 'Frita' if it is a daughter. He said he is very happy.
It was not easy to know he is going to be a father because it only means that he loves his wife and perfectly living his life... there's no more place for me. His words kept resounding in my head "I'm soon going to be a father"
Then I realized that I don't want to indulge myself in my fantasies about him anymore, I don't want to be the bad person who keeps a feeling for someone else's husband. It should be over here and now.
It took me three days to make up my mind, that is why I didn't write this earlier. However, I'm feeling better now and I have the courage to live my own life happily too.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Broken Vow
This is the song that very well pictures my relationship with him. It has been two and a half month since he is married to her but I still can't overcome this sadness.
Broken Vow by Lara Fabian
----------
Tell me her name
I want to know
The way she looks
And where you go
I need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end
Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
While I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own
I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow
Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time
I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end
Broken Vow by Lara Fabian
----------
Tell me her name
I want to know
The way she looks
And where you go
I need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end
Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
While I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own
I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow
Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time
I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
12 Signs That He's A Great Guy
___ He Cares About Your Needs
Your happiness and well-being are major priorities to him
and he actively works to contribute to them.
(Beware of men whose three favorite words are "Me, me, and
Me". While self-absorbed men can be attractive at first,
exuding charm and confidence, that act will wear thin
faster than he can say, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's
the hottest dude of all?" The truth about narcissists is
they are so obsessed with loving themselves that they are
incapable of truly loving another person. Don't take a
backseat to someone else's rabid ego!)
___ He Treats You Well
He treats you with respect and consideration at all times.
Here's a quick way to gauge this: How do you feel when
you're around him - happy, relaxed, safe? If he makes you
feel uneasy, insecure, controlled, or unsafe, he is
definitely not a GREAT guy.
___ He Treats Others Well
He's friendly with his doorman. He's he kind to waitresses
and generous with tips. If he's pleasant with other people
it's a good sign that he's not just putting on an act for
you.
___ He's in a Balanced Emotional State
In a word, he's stable (not overly jaded, doesn't have
excessive 'emotional baggage,' rage issues or out-of-
control mood swings).
___ He Has a Healthy Relationship Track Record
What is his dating history like? If he's had a few
semi-serious to serious relationships that he can look
back on as worthwhile experiences (without still holding
onto feelings for his exes or being excessively bitter),
chances are good that he's capable of a healthy
relationship with you.
However, if he was the king of one-night stands or he
hasn't dated much (or at all), these could be red flags.
If you know other women he's dated, what they have to say
about him could provide valuable clues.
___ He's Got a Good Relationship With His Family
If he's close with his family - treats his parents with
respect and is friendly with his siblings, these are all
good signs of a quality man. (HOWEVER....BEWARE OF THE
MAMA'S BOY! A man who hasn't "cut the cord" with his mother
is nothing but trouble...either he'll expect you to wait on
him and make his bed OR you'll spend your life trying to
live up to the perfect image of Mommy...Either way, it's
not good - so get out now and save yourself for a man who
will make you the #1 woman in his life!)
___ He's Mature
He demonstrates maturity on an intellectual and emotional
level. He follows through on his responsibilities. (This is
not the kind of guy who will blow off a commitment to stay
home and play Xbox!) He is clearly ready to meet the
obligations of an adult relationship.
___ He's Got a Stable Career
He has a good job or is pursuing an education. This
shows responsibility and maturity. (If he is content
not to work and just sponge off other people [especially
his parents] this is a bad sign!)
___ He's Got Passion
He has goals and dreams for his future and is committed
to pursuing them
___ He Has Good Health & Habits
He takes good care of himself (eats well, goes to the
gym, etc.). He does not exhibit any deal-breaker behaviors
(Drug or alcohol abuse, smoking, etc).
___ He's On Your Level Mentally & Emotionally
He can hold his own in a discussion about world events.
He challenges you intellectually. He's capable of having
conversations that are deeper than the weather or where
you want to go for dinner. Remember, intense physical
attraction may come and go, but a man that can keep you
on your toes in everyday conversation is truly a man that
can hold your interest!
___ He Shows Potential for Commitment
When you begin dating someone, you can never really be
sure if he's interested in a serious commitment or a fun
little fling. But you can take a calculated risk. There are
ways to glean clues about his intentions by observing his
current lifestyle. If he's young, has a reputation for being
a "player," or hangs out with single buddies who are into "the
scene," it could be a long while before he's ready to settle
down. If, however, his circle of friends are in serious
relationships/engaged and/or getting married there is a good
chance that he'll be ready for that phase himself soon enough
----------
That was taken from Paige Parker's Dating Dish.
By the way, actually I only want to write "I miss my lion" in this entry, but think of it as too short of a reading for you, I copied that Dating Dish.
Do you think he still read my blog? He said he reads it from time to time, but that was long time ago when we were still in a good communication. Now that we rarely talk to each other, I'm not sure if he still read my blog.
Your happiness and well-being are major priorities to him
and he actively works to contribute to them.
(Beware of men whose three favorite words are "Me, me, and
Me". While self-absorbed men can be attractive at first,
exuding charm and confidence, that act will wear thin
faster than he can say, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's
the hottest dude of all?" The truth about narcissists is
they are so obsessed with loving themselves that they are
incapable of truly loving another person. Don't take a
backseat to someone else's rabid ego!)
___ He Treats You Well
He treats you with respect and consideration at all times.
Here's a quick way to gauge this: How do you feel when
you're around him - happy, relaxed, safe? If he makes you
feel uneasy, insecure, controlled, or unsafe, he is
definitely not a GREAT guy.
___ He Treats Others Well
He's friendly with his doorman. He's he kind to waitresses
and generous with tips. If he's pleasant with other people
it's a good sign that he's not just putting on an act for
you.
___ He's in a Balanced Emotional State
In a word, he's stable (not overly jaded, doesn't have
excessive 'emotional baggage,' rage issues or out-of-
control mood swings).
___ He Has a Healthy Relationship Track Record
What is his dating history like? If he's had a few
semi-serious to serious relationships that he can look
back on as worthwhile experiences (without still holding
onto feelings for his exes or being excessively bitter),
chances are good that he's capable of a healthy
relationship with you.
However, if he was the king of one-night stands or he
hasn't dated much (or at all), these could be red flags.
If you know other women he's dated, what they have to say
about him could provide valuable clues.
___ He's Got a Good Relationship With His Family
If he's close with his family - treats his parents with
respect and is friendly with his siblings, these are all
good signs of a quality man. (HOWEVER....BEWARE OF THE
MAMA'S BOY! A man who hasn't "cut the cord" with his mother
is nothing but trouble...either he'll expect you to wait on
him and make his bed OR you'll spend your life trying to
live up to the perfect image of Mommy...Either way, it's
not good - so get out now and save yourself for a man who
will make you the #1 woman in his life!)
___ He's Mature
He demonstrates maturity on an intellectual and emotional
level. He follows through on his responsibilities. (This is
not the kind of guy who will blow off a commitment to stay
home and play Xbox!) He is clearly ready to meet the
obligations of an adult relationship.
___ He's Got a Stable Career
He has a good job or is pursuing an education. This
shows responsibility and maturity. (If he is content
not to work and just sponge off other people [especially
his parents] this is a bad sign!)
___ He's Got Passion
He has goals and dreams for his future and is committed
to pursuing them
___ He Has Good Health & Habits
He takes good care of himself (eats well, goes to the
gym, etc.). He does not exhibit any deal-breaker behaviors
(Drug or alcohol abuse, smoking, etc).
___ He's On Your Level Mentally & Emotionally
He can hold his own in a discussion about world events.
He challenges you intellectually. He's capable of having
conversations that are deeper than the weather or where
you want to go for dinner. Remember, intense physical
attraction may come and go, but a man that can keep you
on your toes in everyday conversation is truly a man that
can hold your interest!
___ He Shows Potential for Commitment
When you begin dating someone, you can never really be
sure if he's interested in a serious commitment or a fun
little fling. But you can take a calculated risk. There are
ways to glean clues about his intentions by observing his
current lifestyle. If he's young, has a reputation for being
a "player," or hangs out with single buddies who are into "the
scene," it could be a long while before he's ready to settle
down. If, however, his circle of friends are in serious
relationships/engaged and/or getting married there is a good
chance that he'll be ready for that phase himself soon enough
----------
That was taken from Paige Parker's Dating Dish.
By the way, actually I only want to write "I miss my lion" in this entry, but think of it as too short of a reading for you, I copied that Dating Dish.
Do you think he still read my blog? He said he reads it from time to time, but that was long time ago when we were still in a good communication. Now that we rarely talk to each other, I'm not sure if he still read my blog.
Friday, November 13, 2009
We Live A Different Life
It was raining very hard this evening. I needed to stay long under the rain while I was waiting for my bus to go home from work. The air was cold and the wind blew hard, my umbrella couldn't help much to keep me from getting wet.... then my mind wandered to him.
September 17 wasn't the last time I talked to him. He told me that he went to Rome for a vacation and couldn't reach me. So we talked several times more after that, but our important conversation took place a few days ago.
He came and told me that he should apologize to me for whatever I think he did wrong and for whatever he didn't do to me. He wished me the best, wished that I find my man and have a beautiful life. So this was a better goodbye, right?
Today is his nikah ceremony with her. I'm imagining a party where all of the families come and have a good time. It can't be raining there.
Just a little wishes from me, "I wish you a happy marriage until you grow old together with her"
September 17 wasn't the last time I talked to him. He told me that he went to Rome for a vacation and couldn't reach me. So we talked several times more after that, but our important conversation took place a few days ago.
He came and told me that he should apologize to me for whatever I think he did wrong and for whatever he didn't do to me. He wished me the best, wished that I find my man and have a beautiful life. So this was a better goodbye, right?
Today is his nikah ceremony with her. I'm imagining a party where all of the families come and have a good time. It can't be raining there.
Just a little wishes from me, "I wish you a happy marriage until you grow old together with her"
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Exit Strategy: Vanish Like A Thin Air
When was the last time I had a talk with him? Hmm it was on September 17, 2009.
What was his line? He said, "I love only you". I replied, "really you do?". He assured me, "oh yes, I do".
Then he is just vanished like a thin air, no single word from him since.
What do you think when a guy did such thing? Was he out of his mind when he said that L word? And when he realized what that word really means, he suddenly felt the need to back up? Doesn't it mean that he wasn't in love with her? Big YES!
So this is the guy I was in love with.. foolishly. I couldn't even hate him a bit for dumping me in the first place by getting engaged to another girl. After a short period of silence between us (means no talking, no contact), he came back and told me that he doesn't love his fiance. He said that he doesn't want to marry her.
Once again I felt that I got my love back. He kept saying that no matter what the condition he is in now, the one he loves is me and only me. However, I am aware that something has changed. He is not as devoted as he was before, he spent less time with me... most of the time it was me who had to beg him to spend sometime to talk to me. How embarassing, I can't believe I did that.
I was so naive that I believed he would kept his word. He said "I will not marry her". He planned a runaway to another country so that he wouldn't marry his fiance. He booked the ticket, and asked me to come with him but he wouldn't pick me up here. He insisted that I come alone and he will meet me there. I couldn't think of it as the right thing to do, why he wouldn't come to pick me if he really needs me to be with him? So I told him that I will not come unless he picks me up.
It was when I asked him, "How can I believe that you will not leave me this time?". I remember he said that this time he will not do that again to me and will not make me hurt. Well here I am now, once again left broken hearted.
Finally, all I can do is keep my chin up and be strong to face this. There will be lonely days when I will miss him, but I should move on. I hope one day there will be an honest enough man who can keep his words to me.
To the one I have loved: "I wish you a happy marriage".... no I lied, "I wish you a hard to endure marriage"
If only you are brave enough to tell me that you should leave me this time, that is a thousand times better than vanishing like this. At least you could say that you are sorry, thus I could forgive you and wish you good things
What was his line? He said, "I love only you". I replied, "really you do?". He assured me, "oh yes, I do".
Then he is just vanished like a thin air, no single word from him since.
What do you think when a guy did such thing? Was he out of his mind when he said that L word? And when he realized what that word really means, he suddenly felt the need to back up? Doesn't it mean that he wasn't in love with her? Big YES!
So this is the guy I was in love with.. foolishly. I couldn't even hate him a bit for dumping me in the first place by getting engaged to another girl. After a short period of silence between us (means no talking, no contact), he came back and told me that he doesn't love his fiance. He said that he doesn't want to marry her.
Once again I felt that I got my love back. He kept saying that no matter what the condition he is in now, the one he loves is me and only me. However, I am aware that something has changed. He is not as devoted as he was before, he spent less time with me... most of the time it was me who had to beg him to spend sometime to talk to me. How embarassing, I can't believe I did that.
I was so naive that I believed he would kept his word. He said "I will not marry her". He planned a runaway to another country so that he wouldn't marry his fiance. He booked the ticket, and asked me to come with him but he wouldn't pick me up here. He insisted that I come alone and he will meet me there. I couldn't think of it as the right thing to do, why he wouldn't come to pick me if he really needs me to be with him? So I told him that I will not come unless he picks me up.
It was when I asked him, "How can I believe that you will not leave me this time?". I remember he said that this time he will not do that again to me and will not make me hurt. Well here I am now, once again left broken hearted.
Finally, all I can do is keep my chin up and be strong to face this. There will be lonely days when I will miss him, but I should move on. I hope one day there will be an honest enough man who can keep his words to me.
To the one I have loved: "I wish you a happy marriage".... no I lied, "I wish you a hard to endure marriage"
If only you are brave enough to tell me that you should leave me this time, that is a thousand times better than vanishing like this. At least you could say that you are sorry, thus I could forgive you and wish you good things
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Nothing You Confess Would Make Me Love You Less
What true love is? I believe that love is when there is nothing he confesses can make me love him less.
Yesterday I heard a shocking confession from him which I couldn't describe here in details. Those are his secrets which I would take to my death bed.
Long story short, his confession made me realize why Allah doesn't destined him to be mine. I'm sad to hear that from him, those times must be a hard time for him... but at the other hand I'm relieved. Now I can let him go, let him fly and hopefully he'll find peace in this life.
I don't hate you for what you confessed, but it did make me love you less. I just found out that my love for you wasn't that what I believe as true love.
Then I asked myself, "really?"
Yesterday I heard a shocking confession from him which I couldn't describe here in details. Those are his secrets which I would take to my death bed.
Long story short, his confession made me realize why Allah doesn't destined him to be mine. I'm sad to hear that from him, those times must be a hard time for him... but at the other hand I'm relieved. Now I can let him go, let him fly and hopefully he'll find peace in this life.
I don't hate you for what you confessed, but it did make me love you less. I just found out that my love for you wasn't that what I believe as true love.
Then I asked myself, "really?"
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Separated
This is a song by Usher. From my lost loves to me? If only they're this thoughtful :)
----------
Oh no, no, no, no
If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue
If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you
If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because its not in our hearts
So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated
If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold
If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you
So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated
Girl I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl you know I love you, I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go
So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated
----------
Oh no, no, no, no
If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue
If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you
If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because its not in our hearts
So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated
If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold
If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you
So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated
Girl I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl you know I love you, I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go
So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated
His Past is His Future
This entry was actually posted on Monday, August 31, 2009
----------
How do you feel when the one you love told you that you are the only
one he loves?
But another minute he gave you a devastating answer to your question.
I know I'm not the first to have a hold on his heart. Long ago before
me, she was there and she had all of him. He told me how they think
they were meant to be together and that they are made for each other.
He told me that she was all of his firsts... first love, first kiss,
first partner. He told me that moments spent with her were the best
times of his life. Now she's gone. I thought all those will remain as
memories and stay in the past but I was wrong.
Last night I asked him a question, "What if we both died and then we
meet her there? What are you going to do?". He replied, "I will choose
her but can't let you go".
My heart sank the second he said that he will choose her. It means he
still long for the day to be with her once again. It means that is the
ultimate future that he dreams of. His past is his future.
So what am I doing here? I think he doesn't love me that much, never
as much as he loved her. He doesn't need me, not as much as he needed her. I'm only worthy for the time being, for present when he can't be with her yet. Do I deserve this?
It hurts to know that the one I love will choose another woman over me.
Posted by Frita Amrita at 7:56 AM
----------
How do you feel when the one you love told you that you are the only
one he loves?
But another minute he gave you a devastating answer to your question.
I know I'm not the first to have a hold on his heart. Long ago before
me, she was there and she had all of him. He told me how they think
they were meant to be together and that they are made for each other.
He told me that she was all of his firsts... first love, first kiss,
first partner. He told me that moments spent with her were the best
times of his life. Now she's gone. I thought all those will remain as
memories and stay in the past but I was wrong.
Last night I asked him a question, "What if we both died and then we
meet her there? What are you going to do?". He replied, "I will choose
her but can't let you go".
My heart sank the second he said that he will choose her. It means he
still long for the day to be with her once again. It means that is the
ultimate future that he dreams of. His past is his future.
So what am I doing here? I think he doesn't love me that much, never
as much as he loved her. He doesn't need me, not as much as he needed her. I'm only worthy for the time being, for present when he can't be with her yet. Do I deserve this?
It hurts to know that the one I love will choose another woman over me.
Posted by Frita Amrita at 7:56 AM
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Addicted To You
I'm addicted to you
I can't get you out of my mind
I only live when you are around
I want to breathe you in
I'm addicted to you
As a drug user is addicted to opium
Friday, June 19, 2009
Letting Go Of Love
This is from the movie 'The Holiday'
Although it is hurting me to see him leaving, I have to live my life like I should and I have to be strong... have faith that eventually one day I will be in my happy ever after with or without him.
----------
I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.
And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.
Although it is hurting me to see him leaving, I have to live my life like I should and I have to be strong... have faith that eventually one day I will be in my happy ever after with or without him.
----------
I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.
And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The Winner Takes It All
I watched Mamma Mia the movie this evening, they sang many songs but this one really hit me on the heart. I was thinking that I'm the loser and she is the winner. Beside the victory is where she is standing now. How should I let her takes him away?
----------
I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play
The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny
I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules
The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain.
But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed
The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all
I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all...
----------
I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play
The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny
I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules
The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain.
But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed
The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all
I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all...
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Aamer Is Getting Married
Yesterday he finally told me the reason why he doesn't want to continue any relationship with me. I felt dumped.
----------
Aamer: salam
hey Frita
you there
Frita: waalaikumsalam
i got many orders today
Aamer: great
Frita: how r u?
Aamer: i am okay
not bad
Frita: nice to know
Aamer: how about you
Frita: im good today
very happy that i have a great day at work :)
u know, not so many time my clients give big orders
Aamer: good for you
they went there, and i will get marry soon
Frita: ooh god
r u happy with it?
Aamer: i am happy for them
all of them
sacrifice is the second name of life
i just wish they are doing whats good for me
you take care please
i think there should be the real end of our relationship
Frita: i see
im sure u r not going to feel bad about this marriage
i can see u love her too
:)
it's ok
we're just not meant to be together
although i cant deny that it hurts me so much
but Allah has His own fate for me
somehow someday i will be there and be happy
Aamer: i wish you be back very very soon, soon as just the next minute
i got to go now
Frita: ok
goodbye
Aamer: goodbye
----------
Aamer: salam
hey Frita
you there
Frita: waalaikumsalam
i got many orders today
Aamer: great
Frita: how r u?
Aamer: i am okay
not bad
Frita: nice to know
Aamer: how about you
Frita: im good today
very happy that i have a great day at work :)
u know, not so many time my clients give big orders
Aamer: good for you
they went there, and i will get marry soon
Frita: ooh god
r u happy with it?
Aamer: i am happy for them
all of them
sacrifice is the second name of life
i just wish they are doing whats good for me
you take care please
i think there should be the real end of our relationship
Frita: i see
im sure u r not going to feel bad about this marriage
i can see u love her too
:)
it's ok
we're just not meant to be together
although i cant deny that it hurts me so much
but Allah has His own fate for me
somehow someday i will be there and be happy
Aamer: i wish you be back very very soon, soon as just the next minute
i got to go now
Frita: ok
goodbye
Aamer: goodbye
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Abandoned
First day without him.... I barely can think of anything but him. I feel weak, very weak. I can't put on a smile on my face. I miss him a lot, it burdens my heart.
Do you miss me too?
Do you miss me too?
Saturday, May 30, 2009
A Guy Like Belam
I red this short story a few days ago, a lil bit sensual but I like the messages. Most of all, I like how the writer describes this guy named Belam. He is all manly at appearance but as well as very gentle at heart. I'd like to have a husband like that :)
Here is the link to the story
http://www.darkfantasy.org/fantasy/?p=450
Here is the link to the story
http://www.darkfantasy.org/fantasy/?p=450
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