Abandoned

First day without him.... I barely can think of anything but him. I feel weak, very weak. I can't put on a smile on my face. I miss him a lot, it burdens my heart.
Do you miss me too?

A Guy Like Belam

I red this short story a few days ago, a lil bit sensual but I like the messages. Most of all, I like how the writer describes this guy named Belam. He is all manly at appearance but as well as very gentle at heart. I'd like to have a husband like that :)

Here is the link to the story
http://www.darkfantasy.org/fantasy/?p=450

Save In Dreams

It's time to dive a little deeper in to my dream world. Life is too complicated for me to comprehend. I feel saver inside my dreams.
I'll be waiting for you to bring me back... don't take too long my love.

He's All I Ever Wanted

After sometime surviving from my lonely days which were sucking my happiness one by one, I finally were able to smile again the day he came in to my life.

It wasn't easy to open up my heart once more because it has broken in to pieces before. But he helped me to put those pieces back together. I don't know what it is that he did to me, what he said to me, what he showed me... I only know that he has made me fall in love completely for him. Everyday I can't wait to talk to him, to hear his voice, and to share my dreams with him. When I'm awake, it's him I'm thinking of. When I'm asleep, it's him I saw in my dreams. I guess he is there 24 hours for me.

I was very happy every time he told me how he loves me. He would say that he loves me more than the world itself and more than anything in this world. He told me how he long for the day when he can hold my hands, grow old with me, and still love each other even after having many kids. I never dreamed that reality can be this sweet. Time went by so fast, it was 3 months of beautiful moments I shared with him.

Another chapter began. He is still there 24 hours for me, but not in reality. He is less available for me, made me miss him a lot when he was away. He didn't say 'I love you' as often as he used to. It's getting harder to know where I stand. I even wonder if he still loves me now. I guess I need to face the truth. Maybe these were all just my dreams and now it is almost dawn... I need to wake up. I hope so much that he will be there when I open my eyes and just tell me 'Good morning my love, do you know that I've been waiting for you to wake up just to tell you how much I love you?'

I can't lose you Aamer... please don't let go of me. You're all I ever wanted.

Saturday afternoon, May 30, 2009
Dawn finally came, he woke me up with a goodbye. I can't say much, he just doesn't want me anymore...

Missed My Lion

Been sometime... I've started to get used to be without him. Never thought that I was going to miss him today.
I've loved you once Saadat. Now I'll let you run free in your jungle

Lonely

This evening I'm home alone, my family is on a vacation for two days. They'll be back tonight. It rained heavily in the afternoon and left a cold breeze... it caresses the leafes, blows into my room, and touches me gently. It feels like a hug which doesn't make me feel warm but cold. I like the feel of the wind on my skin, makes me feel that nature cares about me.
I'm lonely. This is something I rarely admit since I'm afraid of looking desperate, needy, or abandoned. I don't like feeling lonely, makes me feel nobody cares. But I can't help it today, I'm lonely.
Thank you God for sending me your hug through the wind... it's cold but it shows that You care.

What Tarot Card Am I ?

You are the Hanged Man

Self-sacrifice, Sacrifice, Devotion, Bound.

With the Hanged man there is often a sense of fatalism, waiting for something to happen. Or a fear of loss from a situation, rather than gain.

The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.

The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. It signifies selflessness, sacrifice and prophecy. You make yourself vulnerable and in doing so, gain illumination. You see the world differently, with almost mystical insights.