Tuesday, October 20, 2009

His Past is His Future

This entry was actually posted on Monday, August 31, 2009

How do you feel when the one you love told you that you are the only
one he loves?
But another minute he gave you a devastating answer to your question.

I know I'm not the first to have a hold on his heart. Long ago before
me, she was there and she had all of him. He told me how they think
they were meant to be together and that they are made for each other.
He told me that she was all of his firsts... first love, first kiss,
first partner. He told me that moments spent with her were the best
times of his life. Now she's gone. I thought all those will remain as
memories and stay in the past but I was wrong.

Last night I asked him a question, "What if we both died and then we
meet her there? What are you going to do?". He replied, "I will choose
her but can't let you go".
My heart sank the second he said that he will choose her. It means he
still long for the day to be with her once again. It means that is the
ultimate future that he dreams of. His past is his future.

So what am I doing here? I think he doesn't love me that much, never
as much as he loved her. He doesn't need me, not as much as he needed her. I'm only worthy for the time being, for present when he can't be with her yet. Do I deserve this?

It hurts to know that the one I love will choose another woman over me.

Posted by Frita Amrita at 7:56 AM

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