Sunday, November 30, 2008

Would He Be The One For Me?

I want him to be the one for me, but does he want it too?

I met him on June, he filled my days with laughters and healed my broken heart after Azeem left. He would come to talk to me everyday and I couldnt wait those time when he showed up. I smiled, I felt safe, I felt content in his presence. He is funny, smart, caring, he shared many of my views, and he loves God as much as I do.

Things were wonderful until oneday he fell for a woman. He told me that he has been thinking about this woman a lot, not knowing what to do. Despite my broken hearted, I encouraged him to pursue her. Unfortunately for him things didnt go well, she refused him. I was sad when he said 'I kept my phone close to me for three consecutive days, hoping to hear from her'. So much I wanted to tell him, 'Didnt you know that I have been waiting for you everyday?'

I never got him out of my heart although I knew he had chose another woman. I tried to not to depend on him too much, I started to talk to some other men. It wasn't a great experience for me because I couldn't stop thinking about him. Those were camouflages so that I wouldn't reach out to him when I was lonely, when he wasnt there. So much I wanted to tell him 'I need you!'

From everyday, it became twice a week, then once in two weeks. He seems to try to fade away from my sight. I didnt get much chance to talk to him anymore but still everyday I waited for him to come. It hurts knowing that he's drifting away from me. So much I wanted to tell him 'please stay'.


Friday, November 28, 2008

Those Who Has Come And Gone

It's 6.24pm and I'm still at the office. No plan to hang out with the friends and that makes me recall some of the recent heartbreaking moments :(
My birthday this year at 19 February had brought many unexpected stories in to my life. Stories that once made me feel very happy but then also made me very sad.

I flew to Surabaya on March to meet my boyfriend and tell him that I'm falling for another guy. He was devastated to hear that, but he let me choose which decision to take.. to leave or to stay. I chose to leave him. I can't be with him while my heart is with someone else. After the break up he tried to get me back, he said it will take long time to get over me as he really cares about me. He said that he wants to change to suit my preference, he wants to make me happy. This had been going on for 7 months until in November he told me that he has found another girl who made him feel whole again. He described to me how does his feelings toward her like. He wants to take care of her always. He doesn't want to be away from her. When he's with her, the only thing he wants to see is her smile. He cries thinking that he cant give the best for her. Both of them know what each other needs before anyone says anything. And when he asked her 'why do u love me?', she couldn't answer. Neither did him when she asked the same thing. It seems it's not that hard to get over me, he is happy with his girl now.

And this is some guys who have come into my life after the break up. First, I met Azeem on February, not long after my birthday. He is very handsome, nice, polite and intelligent. I felt like I have found my One when he said he loves me. However, when he was born 26 years ago, God didn't destine him to be my One. He left on April and now engaged to a beautiful girl. They look very happy and match well together. So she must be the One for him.

Second, I met Ahmed on early September. That was during the Ramadhan month when I started talking to him. He said he want to have a long term relationship and started to plan to get married with me. He said he will come on January09 to propose me and tell my parents about his plan. We tried to find the best solution for both parties but we faced dead end. He wouldn't come with his parents and if that is the case then my parents wouldn't allow me to marry with him. We stopped talking since last week. I don't know whether he has found another potential wife or not, but I think he has.

Third, I met Thomas on early October. He is a christian and still very young. It was nice to hear when he said he is learning Islam. One day he said that he loves me. I didn't reply to that because I think he didn't really conscious when he said that. Not that he was drunk or something, but it is because that was too early to tell 'I love you' words to me. He hasn't known me for long, and we are not in the same religion. I made up my mind that things never gonna work out with him. He accepted that and now is working things out with a girl from a Muslim family. At least he found someone who lives much closer to him.

For those who have come and gone, I wish you all happiness in your life. And if once you remember me, please pray for my happiness as well.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Who Is He?

Words From Unexperienced Man

This is an advice from a priest, who has never been married and will not get married, about "Whom Not To Marry". Nice advice though :)

“Never marry a man who has no friends,” he starts. “This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands. I am always amazed at the number of men I have counseled who have no friends. Since, as the Hebrew Scriptures say, ‘Iron shapes iron and friend shapes friend,’ what are his friends like? What do your friends and family members think of him? Sometimes, your friends can’t render an impartial judgment because they are envious that you are beating them in the race to the altar. Envy beclouds judgment".

“Does he use money responsibly? Is he stingy? Most marriages that founder do so because of money — she’s thrifty, he’s on his 10th credit card".

“Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your husband".

“Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings? When he wants to make a decision, say, about where you should go on your honeymoon, he doesn’t consult you, he consults his mother. (I’ve known cases where the mother accompanies the couple on their honeymoon!)"

“Does he have a sense of humor? That covers a multitude of sins. My mother was once asked how she managed to live harmoniously with three men — my father, brother and me. Her answer, delivered with awesome arrogance, was: ‘You simply operate on the assumption that no man matures after the age of 11.’ My father fell about laughing".

“A therapist friend insists that ‘more marriages are killed by silence than by violence.’ The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive".

“Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He’s a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he’ll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so".

“Take a good, unsentimental look at his family — you’ll learn a lot about him and his attitude towards women. Kay made a monstrous mistake marrying Michael Corleone! Is there a history of divorce in the family? An atmosphere of racism, sexism or prejudice in his home? Are his goals and deepest beliefs worthy and similar to yours? I remember counseling a pious Catholic woman that it might not be prudent to marry a pious Muslim, whose attitude about women was very different. Love trumped prudence; the annulment process was instigated by her six months later".

“Imagine a religious fundamentalist married to an agnostic. One would have to pray that the fundamentalist doesn’t open the Bible and hit the page in which Abraham is willing to obey God and slit his son’s throat".

“Finally: Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being — the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive?

“After I regale a group with this talk, the despairing cry goes up: ‘But you’ve eliminated everyone!’ Life is unfair.”

He Says, "If I Have To Marry Once More, I Will Marry You Again"

One night we went to dinner at the food hall of a Plaza in town. We sat at a table located in the middle of the hall. Around us, there were many people eating as well. Then my eyes caught this elegant beautiful woman who crossed in front of our table. I told my husband, "Did you see her? I think she is very adorable". He looked at the way in which that woman went. He said, "ooh that woman? yes she is adorable". I laughed and then commented on his answer, "I think every man will want to be with her". He looked at me in the eyes and replied, "Not every man my sweetheart, if you give me another chance to choose, I will choose you again to get married with me". Awww he is so sweet, he wouldn't want to choose another woman but me to get married with him :)

That is the second quality that this amazing man posses

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Under One Umbrella In The Rain

To My Sunshine, I Love You With All My Heart

A nice story of how love keeps burning between the couple through the years and even after death.

Sophie's face faded into the gray winter light of the sitting room. She dozed in the armchair that Joe had bought for her on their fortieth anniversary. The room was warm and quiet. Outside it was snowing lightly.

A florist's truck turned onto Allen Street. Sophie followed it with her eyes. It was moving slowly. Twice it stopped and started again. Then the driver pulled up in front of Mrs. Mason's house next door and parked.Who would be sending Mrs. Mason flowers? Sophie wondered. Her daughter in Wisconsin? Or her brother? No, her brother was very ill. It was probably her daughter. How nice of her.

Flowers made Sophie think of Joe and, for a moment, she let the aching memory fill her. Tomorrow was the fifteenth. Eight months since his death.

The flower mans was knocking at Mrs. Mason's front door. He carried a long white and green box and a clipboard. No one seemed to be answering. Of course! It was Friday - Mrs. Mason quilted at the church on Friday afternoons. the delivery man looked around, then started toward Sophie's house.

"Yes?" she said, peering around a slightly opened door. "Good afternoon, ma'am," the man said loudly. "Would you take a delivery for your neighbor?"

"Yes," Sophie answered, pulling the door wide open. "Where would you like me to put them?" the man asked politely. "In the kitchen, please. On the table." answered Sophie.

The rich smell of roses engulfed her. She closed her eyes and took slower breaths, imagining yellow roses. Joe had always chosen yellow. "To my sunshine," he would say, presenting the extravagant bouquet. He would laugh delightedly, kiss her on the forehead, then take her hands in his and sing to her "You Are My Sunshine."

She dragged a stepstool across the kitchen floor and lifted a white porcelain vase from the top corner cabinet. Using a drinking glass, she filled the vase with water, then tenderly arranged the roses and greens, and carried them into the sitting room.

She was smiling as she reached the middle of the room. She turned slightly and began to dip and twirl in small slow circles. She stepped lightly, gracefully, around the sitting room, into the kitchen, down the hall, back again. She danced till her knees grew weak, and then she dropped into the armchair and slept.

At a quarter past six, Sophie awoke with a start. Someone was knocking on the back door this time. It was Mrs. Mason.

"Hello, Sophie," Mrs. Mason said. "How are you?" Sophie was only half-listening. She had remembered the roses suddenly and was turning hot with shame. The empty flower box was behind her on the kitchen table. What would she say to Mrs. Mason?

Mrs. Mason chattered "I don't know how much longer I can keep paying the bills. If only Alfred, God bless him, had been as careful with money as your Joseph. Joseph! Oh, good heavens! I almost forgot about the roses."
Sophie's cheeks burned. She began to stammer an apology, stepping aside to reveal the empty box.

"Oh, good," Mrs. Mason interrupted. "You put the roses in water. Then you saw the card. I hope it didn't startle your to see Joseph's handwriting. Joseph had asked me to bring you the roses the first year, so I could explain for him. He didn't want to alarm you. His 'Rose Trust,' I think he called it. He arranged it with the florist last Apirl. Such a good man, your Joseph..."

But Sophie had stopped listening. Her heart was pounding as she picked up the small white envelope she had missed earlier. It had been lying beside the flower box all this time. With trembling hands, she removed the card.

"To my sunshine," it said. "I love you with all my heart. Try to be happy when you think of me. Love, Joe."

Lack Of Communication

There was this girl asking to Jeff Mac, a manslator, "Hi Jeff, my relationship is in trouble..".
Jeff answered, "That's it, huh? I think the problem in your relationship is called the lack of communication. You need to open up a lil bit"

I laughed a lot reading that lines :P. It is so funny that she didn't describe anything about the trouble she is facing in the relationship. What did she expect Jeff to answer?. Anyway, Jeff is a book writer and he has a website where he translates men behavior which confuses women. That's why he is called a Manslator. Thanks Jeff for your Manslation!!

Another thing about 'Lack Of Communication', sometime I found it difficult to express what I want out of a relationship, what I need from him because of fear that I might get rejected by him. Somehow I feel that he might turn down my suggestions, ignore my needs despite him knowing that they are important to me. How to let him know about it?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Do You Believe In Soulmate?

Soul mates do exist. The reason why all people don't have soul mates is because when they're looking for love, they're following a checklist of what they want in someone else. Instead, people should make checklists of what they themselves lack. A soul mate is not your double—it's rather someone who fills in the blanks

A soul mate is someone with whom you never have to prove yourself. There is an instantaneous sense of comfort—you begin to feel comfortable with all of your flaws because this person just accepts you. They still love you for your virtue, but they accept you for your flaws as well.

A soul mate is someone with whom you can be honest. When you are around a soul mate, you feel this instantaneous need to confess—you want to share things that are utterly personal because you're are not afraid that you are going to be thrown out as a result.

That is from Rabbi Shmuley. I believe in soulmate. One day I and he will meet :)

Money Before Love

Ok here it goes the deal, it used to be love, love, love that people are concerning about. Now it is money, money, money especially when global economy is in a threat of recession. OH NO!!

We have to admit it that one cant think about love if he/she couldn't even pay the rent and survive the life. Sounds so bitter isn't it? But that's the truth. Imagine that you cant afford to pay your bills, rent, buy nice clothes, eat out. Would you ever have a second to think about love? about finding another person to live with you? Hey, you cant be that selfish to take another person, whom you say you love, to live a miserable life with you and to share your headache on those debts. If you're a good hearted lover, you wouldn't want to take your loved one to suffer with you, would you?

Ok, I hope you get my point. One thing that make me loves this amazing man is that --HE IS FINANCIALLY SECURED--

Money is not the most important thing for me, I even never thought about it much. But having him financially secured will give me comfort as we will not need to worry about the expenses of raising kids later, giving presents to our parents and family, helping the unfortunate people, and celebrating our important occasions such as birthday and wedding anniversary :)
It is important that I don't pay the bills or provide for the family. It is his responsibility and he will get his honor on that :)
My amazing husband has a stable job and earns enough to provide our family. I'm proud of him!

Monday, November 17, 2008

The Color I See When I'm Happy

I'm Happily Married :)

I have made up my mind that I will stop this recurring winter, sadness, and loneliness. I want to love myself and believe that I can get what I want, what I deserve :)) I know I have to stop intimidating myself by telling me that I'm not that good to get that good. That was not true, I know I'm that good hehehe. Now let's start this self-love with a new vision of how my future life will be. I will keep it in my mind everyday, and soon it will come true :)

I, Frita Amrita, am happily married with a faithful, fun, passionate, intelligent, generous man who loves me with all his heart and never lets me forget that.

Woow I'm sooo happy. It feels so good to be in the arms of my lover. I love myself when I'm with him. I will have to make sure that I don't forget that I'm married to this amazing man.
You must be wondering what kind of qualities this amazing man has which made me want to be with him forever.... hold your breath! See it on my next post :)

Monday, November 10, 2008

Cold Here

Another Winter

It's night at 8.23pm and here I am thinking of you. Feel like writing my feelings down because I never had the chance to tell you all. It wasn't long ago when summer came to my life with you. Everything was wonderful, you told me about how beautiful the spring that has just passed before summer, how I'll be very happy if I get the chance to see the spring. You gave me hope, you said you'll be there with me to see the next spring. Oh wait, did you say that? or it was just my false interpretations? However, I felt that you'll be there with me until the next spring and I'll be very happy when that day comes.
I forgot that before any spring there'll be winter. I can feel that winter is coming now. I'm waiting for you... it's starting to get cold here. Where are you? in another place which still has spring and summer? It's cold here...
You didnt tell me how should I pass this winter. You didnt tell me that you'll be here with me to get through it. Now I can't blame you for not being here.
I might miss the spring again just like what I did before because I'll be sad for not having you with me. Too sad to see even the most beautiful spring.
I will need a season or two to get over you...
Hope you an everlasting spring and summer wherever you are
Because winter is cold and I don't want you to feel it

Monday, November 3, 2008

If You Don't Have The Heart

This is a song lyric by James Ingram. Represents what a man, who couldn't accept a girl's love, says. Maybe the girl would like to say "If you don't love me, lie to me"

Your face is beaming
You say is ‘cause you’re dreaming
Of how good it’s going to be
You say you’ve been around
And now you’ve finally found
Everything you wanted and need in me

I don’t have the heart to hurt you
It’s the last I want to do
But I don’t have the heart to love you
Not the way you want me to

Inside I’m dying
To see you crying
How can I make you understand
I care about you
So much about you, baby
I’m trying to say this as gently as I can

‘Cause I don’t have the heart to hurt you
It’s the last I want to do
But I don’t have the heart to love you
Not the way you want me to

You’re so trusting and open
Hoping that love will start
But I don’t have the heart, oh, no
I don’t have the heart

I don’t have the heart to hurt you
It’s the last I want to do
But I don’t have the heart to love you
Not the way you want me to