Monday, February 6, 2012

I'm Happily Married

It was on October 29, 2011 that I got married with the man whom I love. I am truly happy that finally he found me after all those long and windy road I've gone through. Having him by my side every morning when I wake up feels very comforting. He is handsome, caring, romantic, and he does help doing the house works yayy!!
I would like to say thank you to everyone who has following my stories (which are mostly sad ones). Here I am closing the gloomy and heart breaking pages with a whole new path of my life. Hopefully I and he will have an ever lasting happy marriage.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Just Another Sad Story

My mind wandered to 28 June 2009, I got an email from him in which he wrote this one line that opened my heart "all things decided in heaven but happens on earth, that is the law of God".

We became good friends fast. We talked everyday, shared stories, and sometime he would call me and I got the chance to listen to his voice which I liked a lot. He sent me flower, doll, and some gifts to show that he cares. It didn't take much effort to get along with him, it seemed like we just understand each other and accept one another for who we are. He even didn't mind seeing me early in the morning when I just woke up with sleepy messy face, he said "it doesn't matter, let me see u". We shared a lot of things in common for example we both like slow romantic songs, we both believe in destiny, we both stubborn in the way that we don't care what people say about our relationship. They can say this was just for fun, they can say this was irrational, and they can say we better wake up and find someone real. However, we both ignored them. He would assure me that we can make it and he will be with me always.

Days went by and it was on the sixth month that he said he would come to visit me so that we can meet in person. Things didn't go well, he couldn't get his visa on time. You would have guessed what they said when he didn't come... yes they said "See what I told you, don't expect much from him. Better you find someone near". I shrugged it although I did feel sad. Then I waited another six months while he tried to get his visa again. This time our effort paid off, he got the visa with expiry date on October 2010. We both were so happy thinking that finally we will be able to see each other in person. He told me he wanted to go to his hometown before visiting me. I never thought that things could go wrong this time.

July 2010 passed by, then August, and September followed... still he didn't book his ticket to Jakarta. He would come up with his excuses, and the last one was that his father got sick which I think is true. But for me that is still an excuse. Why did he wait until the last days? Why didn't he come straight after he got his visa? I can get myself frustrated if I think about it, but the fact that he decided to not come can't be changed. I was devastated, this time he really blew away his last chance. I should come out and tell them all that they win and I lose.

I wasted another one year on a failed story... but a saying goes "every relationship is destined to be over except the one that isn't". I just need one that works out. So here I am closing another chapter of my love life, mending my heart for the next chapter. Wishing and hoping that the next story will be the one that works out.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Missing Him



Evening, I'm waiting for my bus to go home. This side of the road is full of workers who, like me, are waiting for their buses. Not usual, the street is jammed and the air is starting to fill with carbon. The sun is setting, making the sky darker bit by bit... My bus still hasn't shown up. It is kinda feel lonely to wait here alone.
It has been a week since he left for Pakistan, and we practically didn't chat since. He would text me everyday, sometime early in the afternoon, sometime late in the evening. Today he hasn't texted me, while I have been waiting since morning. Could he forget? Doesn't he miss me?
I really want to text him but I think I shouldn't, if he doesn't miss me then I better not make him thinks that I miss him. However, honestly I desperately miss him. How I wish he is here with me, accompanying me waiting for my bus. How can I say that I have a boyfriend if he is not here when I need him? Now the sky is getting darker and I'm feeling more lonely....

Monday, March 15, 2010

Last Update About Him

It will be my last post about him, as I have decided to let him live his own life.
After four months absent, three days ago he came in contact with me and told me that he has moved to another country with his wife to setup a business. He also told me that he is soon going to be a father and would like to name her 'Frita' if it is a daughter. He said he is very happy.
It was not easy to know he is going to be a father because it only means that he loves his wife and perfectly living his life... there's no more place for me. His words kept resounding in my head "I'm soon going to be a father"
Then I realized that I don't want to indulge myself in my fantasies about him anymore, I don't want to be the bad person who keeps a feeling for someone else's husband. It should be over here and now.
It took me three days to make up my mind, that is why I didn't write this earlier. However, I'm feeling better now and I have the courage to live my own life happily too.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Broken Vow

This is the song that very well pictures my relationship with him. It has been two and a half month since he is married to her but I still can't overcome this sadness.
Broken Vow by Lara Fabian
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Tell me her name
I want to know
The way she looks
And where you go
I need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end

Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
While I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes

I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

12 Signs That He's A Great Guy

___ He Cares About Your Needs
Your happiness and well-being are major priorities to him
and he actively works to contribute to them.
(Beware of men whose three favorite words are "Me, me, and
Me". While self-absorbed men can be attractive at first,
exuding charm and confidence, that act will wear thin
faster than he can say, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's
the hottest dude of all?" The truth about narcissists is
they are so obsessed with loving themselves that they are
incapable of truly loving another person. Don't take a
backseat to someone else's rabid ego!)

___ He Treats You Well
He treats you with respect and consideration at all times.
Here's a quick way to gauge this: How do you feel when
you're around him - happy, relaxed, safe? If he makes you
feel uneasy, insecure, controlled, or unsafe, he is
definitely not a GREAT guy.

___ He Treats Others Well
He's friendly with his doorman. He's he kind to waitresses
and generous with tips. If he's pleasant with other people
it's a good sign that he's not just putting on an act for
you.

___ He's in a Balanced Emotional State
In a word, he's stable (not overly jaded, doesn't have
excessive 'emotional baggage,' rage issues or out-of-
control mood swings).

___ He Has a Healthy Relationship Track Record
What is his dating history like? If he's had a few
semi-serious to serious relationships that he can look
back on as worthwhile experiences (without still holding
onto feelings for his exes or being excessively bitter),
chances are good that he's capable of a healthy
relationship with you.
However, if he was the king of one-night stands or he
hasn't dated much (or at all), these could be red flags.
If you know other women he's dated, what they have to say
about him could provide valuable clues.

___ He's Got a Good Relationship With His Family
If he's close with his family - treats his parents with
respect and is friendly with his siblings, these are all
good signs of a quality man. (HOWEVER....BEWARE OF THE
MAMA'S BOY! A man who hasn't "cut the cord" with his mother
is nothing but trouble...either he'll expect you to wait on
him and make his bed OR you'll spend your life trying to
live up to the perfect image of Mommy...Either way, it's
not good - so get out now and save yourself for a man who
will make you the #1 woman in his life!)

___ He's Mature
He demonstrates maturity on an intellectual and emotional
level. He follows through on his responsibilities. (This is
not the kind of guy who will blow off a commitment to stay
home and play Xbox!) He is clearly ready to meet the
obligations of an adult relationship.

___ He's Got a Stable Career
He has a good job or is pursuing an education. This
shows responsibility and maturity. (If he is content
not to work and just sponge off other people [especially
his parents] this is a bad sign!)

___ He's Got Passion
He has goals and dreams for his future and is committed
to pursuing them

___ He Has Good Health & Habits
He takes good care of himself (eats well, goes to the
gym, etc.). He does not exhibit any deal-breaker behaviors
(Drug or alcohol abuse, smoking, etc).

___ He's On Your Level Mentally & Emotionally
He can hold his own in a discussion about world events.
He challenges you intellectually. He's capable of having
conversations that are deeper than the weather or where
you want to go for dinner. Remember, intense physical
attraction may come and go, but a man that can keep you
on your toes in everyday conversation is truly a man that
can hold your interest!

___ He Shows Potential for Commitment
When you begin dating someone, you can never really be
sure if he's interested in a serious commitment or a fun
little fling. But you can take a calculated risk. There are
ways to glean clues about his intentions by observing his
current lifestyle. If he's young, has a reputation for being
a "player," or hangs out with single buddies who are into "the
scene," it could be a long while before he's ready to settle
down. If, however, his circle of friends are in serious
relationships/engaged and/or getting married there is a good
chance that he'll be ready for that phase himself soon enough

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That was taken from Paige Parker's Dating Dish.
By the way, actually I only want to write "I miss my lion" in this entry, but think of it as too short of a reading for you, I copied that Dating Dish.
Do you think he still read my blog? He said he reads it from time to time, but that was long time ago when we were still in a good communication. Now that we rarely talk to each other, I'm not sure if he still read my blog.

Friday, November 13, 2009

We Live A Different Life

It was raining very hard this evening. I needed to stay long under the rain while I was waiting for my bus to go home from work. The air was cold and the wind blew hard, my umbrella couldn't help much to keep me from getting wet.... then my mind wandered to him.
September 17 wasn't the last time I talked to him. He told me that he went to Rome for a vacation and couldn't reach me. So we talked several times more after that, but our important conversation took place a few days ago.
He came and told me that he should apologize to me for whatever I think he did wrong and for whatever he didn't do to me. He wished me the best, wished that I find my man and have a beautiful life. So this was a better goodbye, right?
Today is his nikah ceremony with her. I'm imagining a party where all of the families come and have a good time. It can't be raining there.
Just a little wishes from me, "I wish you a happy marriage until you grow old together with her"