Sunday, March 15, 2009


This evening I'm home alone, my family is on a vacation for two days. They'll be back tonight. It rained heavily in the afternoon and left a cold breeze... it caresses the leafes, blows into my room, and touches me gently. It feels like a hug which doesn't make me feel warm but cold. I like the feel of the wind on my skin, makes me feel that nature cares about me.
I'm lonely. This is something I rarely admit since I'm afraid of looking desperate, needy, or abandoned. I don't like feeling lonely, makes me feel nobody cares. But I can't help it today, I'm lonely.
Thank you God for sending me your hug through the wind... it's cold but it shows that You care.

What Tarot Card Am I ?

You are the Hanged Man

Self-sacrifice, Sacrifice, Devotion, Bound.

With the Hanged man there is often a sense of fatalism, waiting for something to happen. Or a fear of loss from a situation, rather than gain.

The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.

The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. It signifies selflessness, sacrifice and prophecy. You make yourself vulnerable and in doing so, gain illumination. You see the world differently, with almost mystical insights.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Charming Prince

Swimming in the pond, jumping from one lotus leaf to another. When it rains, where would you find a shelter?

I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

This guy who sang this song is nothing like a sweet or romantic person from his appearance, but he sang a very touching song. Well maybe it wasn't him who wrote the lyrics... I love it. Aerosmith - I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing.


I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While youre far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And Im wondering what youre dreaming
Wondering if its me youre seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God were together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

I dont want to miss one smile
I dont want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
I dont want to miss a thing

I Would Kiss You Under The Rain

This is the third thing my husband posseses. HE IS PASSIONATE
Oneday we had a fight because he forgot our wedding anniversary even after I reminded him the previous day about it. His excuse was that he has been very busy at work that he forgot at all about tonight. We were supposed to have a dinner together at home, where I cooked some of the meal and he would bring the dessert after work.

But that night he came home very late, and not even bothered to let me know earlier. I have waited since evening and got very upset when he finally came home, looking like there was nothing wrong.

I just couldn't say a word to him and went to the backyard just to sit there and calm myself when I suddenly couldn't help my tears from flowing down. He has never been this clueless but tonight I just dont know him. I sobbed and my heart pained so badly. I heard his footsteps behind me, I don't want him to see me crying. It seems Allah listened to my wish, soon the rain started falling and without hesitation I stepped in to it and just stood there crying. He wont see my tears this way. I don't care if he thinks I'm crazy for standing in the rain like that.

He came to me without an umbrella, he hugged me from behind and said to me that he was sorry for tonight. He said, "My wife, I didn't mean to make you sad like this. I know it was my fault for forgetting our special occasion and I'm not asking you to understand why I forgot. But please don't reject me this way, I can't bear you upset on me". He then turned my back and held my face in his hands... looked at me in the eye and then he kissed me softly. I couldn't resist him and just cried even more for feeling so glad that he is still the man I love so much. "I love you more than you know", he wishpered.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

When I'm Awake And Sleeping

It's been 3 days I and he exchanging emails... we were discussing about him sending me an aquarium. This idea didn't come out of nowhere, we've talked about it back then that if he find another job he'll buy me one. Time went by and he seemed to forget. I brought it up again, didn't really demand him to buy me one, just wanted to tease him... in fact I would be happy if he just send me anything, his handwritten letter would be wonderful. I could keep it for a lifetime memory.

Today is day 4, he haven't replied to my message. I waited... awake and sleeping. When I was sleeping last night, he came into my dream. Morning came and I woke up expecting his message... still none. I fell asleep again this afternoon and there he was, sent me a message which I barely remember the content. All I know is that I was smiling to get a reply from him.

You fill my brain and my heart... Yes I choose to think about you when I'm awake, but when I sleep why can't you let me be in peace? You invade my dreams. In reality, he's never there... I don't forget, he, my lion is still running free in the jungle.

I remember a song lyric by Rick Price - Heaven Knows

why I live in despair
cause wide awake
or dreaming
I know she's never there


Feels like in a burial ceremony and someone is handing these white roses onto my coffin. No, I'm not going to die anytime soon, atleast I don't plan that. But if it shall happen... I want him to be the one who is handing those white roses.

Monday, March 2, 2009

A Better Man

This is from Shayne Ward, nice song especially because of its lyric.
Until the oceans all run dry
Until the stars fall from the sky
Even if words dont seem to rhyme
Ill be addicted to your smile

And if the wind blows out the sun
Ill still believe you are the one
No matter what we're going through
I'll plan to spend my nights with you

I promise you my heart wont fade
I swear to you my soul always
It isnt hard to understand
You're making me a better man

Baby my love will say it all
I'll always catch you when you fall
And if the hard times get too much
I'll still be craving for your touch

I promise you my heart wont fade
I swear to you my soul always
It isnt hard to understand
You're making me a better man

I dedicate my world
I dedicate my all
For every moment
Your leaving me breathless

I dedicate my touch
Forevers not enough
I wanna hold on
I just wanna hold on to you

I promise you my heart wont fade
I swear to you my soul always
It isnt hard to understand
You're making me a better man

It isnt hard to understand, your making me a better man