Wednesday, November 25, 2009

12 Signs That He's A Great Guy

___ He Cares About Your Needs
Your happiness and well-being are major priorities to him
and he actively works to contribute to them.
(Beware of men whose three favorite words are "Me, me, and
Me". While self-absorbed men can be attractive at first,
exuding charm and confidence, that act will wear thin
faster than he can say, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's
the hottest dude of all?" The truth about narcissists is
they are so obsessed with loving themselves that they are
incapable of truly loving another person. Don't take a
backseat to someone else's rabid ego!)

___ He Treats You Well
He treats you with respect and consideration at all times.
Here's a quick way to gauge this: How do you feel when
you're around him - happy, relaxed, safe? If he makes you
feel uneasy, insecure, controlled, or unsafe, he is
definitely not a GREAT guy.

___ He Treats Others Well
He's friendly with his doorman. He's he kind to waitresses
and generous with tips. If he's pleasant with other people
it's a good sign that he's not just putting on an act for

___ He's in a Balanced Emotional State
In a word, he's stable (not overly jaded, doesn't have
excessive 'emotional baggage,' rage issues or out-of-
control mood swings).

___ He Has a Healthy Relationship Track Record
What is his dating history like? If he's had a few
semi-serious to serious relationships that he can look
back on as worthwhile experiences (without still holding
onto feelings for his exes or being excessively bitter),
chances are good that he's capable of a healthy
relationship with you.
However, if he was the king of one-night stands or he
hasn't dated much (or at all), these could be red flags.
If you know other women he's dated, what they have to say
about him could provide valuable clues.

___ He's Got a Good Relationship With His Family
If he's close with his family - treats his parents with
respect and is friendly with his siblings, these are all
good signs of a quality man. (HOWEVER....BEWARE OF THE
MAMA'S BOY! A man who hasn't "cut the cord" with his mother
is nothing but trouble...either he'll expect you to wait on
him and make his bed OR you'll spend your life trying to
live up to the perfect image of Mommy...Either way, it's
not good - so get out now and save yourself for a man who
will make you the #1 woman in his life!)

___ He's Mature
He demonstrates maturity on an intellectual and emotional
level. He follows through on his responsibilities. (This is
not the kind of guy who will blow off a commitment to stay
home and play Xbox!) He is clearly ready to meet the
obligations of an adult relationship.

___ He's Got a Stable Career
He has a good job or is pursuing an education. This
shows responsibility and maturity. (If he is content
not to work and just sponge off other people [especially
his parents] this is a bad sign!)

___ He's Got Passion
He has goals and dreams for his future and is committed
to pursuing them

___ He Has Good Health & Habits
He takes good care of himself (eats well, goes to the
gym, etc.). He does not exhibit any deal-breaker behaviors
(Drug or alcohol abuse, smoking, etc).

___ He's On Your Level Mentally & Emotionally
He can hold his own in a discussion about world events.
He challenges you intellectually. He's capable of having
conversations that are deeper than the weather or where
you want to go for dinner. Remember, intense physical
attraction may come and go, but a man that can keep you
on your toes in everyday conversation is truly a man that
can hold your interest!

___ He Shows Potential for Commitment
When you begin dating someone, you can never really be
sure if he's interested in a serious commitment or a fun
little fling. But you can take a calculated risk. There are
ways to glean clues about his intentions by observing his
current lifestyle. If he's young, has a reputation for being
a "player," or hangs out with single buddies who are into "the
scene," it could be a long while before he's ready to settle
down. If, however, his circle of friends are in serious
relationships/engaged and/or getting married there is a good
chance that he'll be ready for that phase himself soon enough

That was taken from Paige Parker's Dating Dish.
By the way, actually I only want to write "I miss my lion" in this entry, but think of it as too short of a reading for you, I copied that Dating Dish.
Do you think he still read my blog? He said he reads it from time to time, but that was long time ago when we were still in a good communication. Now that we rarely talk to each other, I'm not sure if he still read my blog.

Friday, November 13, 2009

We Live A Different Life

It was raining very hard this evening. I needed to stay long under the rain while I was waiting for my bus to go home from work. The air was cold and the wind blew hard, my umbrella couldn't help much to keep me from getting wet.... then my mind wandered to him.
September 17 wasn't the last time I talked to him. He told me that he went to Rome for a vacation and couldn't reach me. So we talked several times more after that, but our important conversation took place a few days ago.
He came and told me that he should apologize to me for whatever I think he did wrong and for whatever he didn't do to me. He wished me the best, wished that I find my man and have a beautiful life. So this was a better goodbye, right?
Today is his nikah ceremony with her. I'm imagining a party where all of the families come and have a good time. It can't be raining there.
Just a little wishes from me, "I wish you a happy marriage until you grow old together with her"

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Closed Up Poppies

Don't you think that poppies are fragile and soft, yet very beautiful?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Exit Strategy: Vanish Like A Thin Air

When was the last time I had a talk with him? Hmm it was on September 17, 2009.
What was his line? He said, "I love only you". I replied, "really you do?". He assured me, "oh yes, I do".
Then he is just vanished like a thin air, no single word from him since.

What do you think when a guy did such thing? Was he out of his mind when he said that L word? And when he realized what that word really means, he suddenly felt the need to back up? Doesn't it mean that he wasn't in love with her? Big YES!

So this is the guy I was in love with.. foolishly. I couldn't even hate him a bit for dumping me in the first place by getting engaged to another girl. After a short period of silence between us (means no talking, no contact), he came back and told me that he doesn't love his fiance. He said that he doesn't want to marry her.

Once again I felt that I got my love back. He kept saying that no matter what the condition he is in now, the one he loves is me and only me. However, I am aware that something has changed. He is not as devoted as he was before, he spent less time with me... most of the time it was me who had to beg him to spend sometime to talk to me. How embarassing, I can't believe I did that.

I was so naive that I believed he would kept his word. He said "I will not marry her". He planned a runaway to another country so that he wouldn't marry his fiance. He booked the ticket, and asked me to come with him but he wouldn't pick me up here. He insisted that I come alone and he will meet me there. I couldn't think of it as the right thing to do, why he wouldn't come to pick me if he really needs me to be with him? So I told him that I will not come unless he picks me up.

It was when I asked him, "How can I believe that you will not leave me this time?". I remember he said that this time he will not do that again to me and will not make me hurt. Well here I am now, once again left broken hearted.

Finally, all I can do is keep my chin up and be strong to face this. There will be lonely days when I will miss him, but I should move on. I hope one day there will be an honest enough man who can keep his words to me.

To the one I have loved: "I wish you a happy marriage".... no I lied, "I wish you a hard to endure marriage"

If only you are brave enough to tell me that you should leave me this time, that is a thousand times better than vanishing like this. At least you could say that you are sorry, thus I could forgive you and wish you good things

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Nothing You Confess Would Make Me Love You Less

What true love is? I believe that love is when there is nothing he confesses can make me love him less.
Yesterday I heard a shocking confession from him which I couldn't describe here in details. Those are his secrets which I would take to my death bed.
Long story short, his confession made me realize why Allah doesn't destined him to be mine. I'm sad to hear that from him, those times must be a hard time for him... but at the other hand I'm relieved. Now I can let him go, let him fly and hopefully he'll find peace in this life.
I don't hate you for what you confessed, but it did make me love you less. I just found out that my love for you wasn't that what I believe as true love.
Then I asked myself, "really?"

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Lonely Bride

Where are you my knight?
Why am I standing here all alone?


This is a song by Usher. From my lost loves to me? If only they're this thoughtful :)

Oh no, no, no, no

If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue
If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you

If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because its not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold

If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Girl I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl you know I love you, I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

His Past is His Future

This entry was actually posted on Monday, August 31, 2009

How do you feel when the one you love told you that you are the only
one he loves?
But another minute he gave you a devastating answer to your question.

I know I'm not the first to have a hold on his heart. Long ago before
me, she was there and she had all of him. He told me how they think
they were meant to be together and that they are made for each other.
He told me that she was all of his firsts... first love, first kiss,
first partner. He told me that moments spent with her were the best
times of his life. Now she's gone. I thought all those will remain as
memories and stay in the past but I was wrong.

Last night I asked him a question, "What if we both died and then we
meet her there? What are you going to do?". He replied, "I will choose
her but can't let you go".
My heart sank the second he said that he will choose her. It means he
still long for the day to be with her once again. It means that is the
ultimate future that he dreams of. His past is his future.

So what am I doing here? I think he doesn't love me that much, never
as much as he loved her. He doesn't need me, not as much as he needed her. I'm only worthy for the time being, for present when he can't be with her yet. Do I deserve this?

It hurts to know that the one I love will choose another woman over me.

Posted by Frita Amrita at 7:56 AM

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Addicted To You

I'm addicted to you
I can't get you out of my mind
I only live when you are around
I want to breathe you in

I'm addicted to you
As a drug user is addicted to opium

Friday, June 19, 2009

Letting Go Of Love

This is from the movie 'The Holiday'
Although it is hurting me to see him leaving, I have to live my life like I should and I have to be strong... have faith that eventually one day I will be in my happy ever after with or without him.

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.

And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The Winner Takes It All

I watched Mamma Mia the movie this evening, they sang many songs but this one really hit me on the heart. I was thinking that I'm the loser and she is the winner. Beside the victory is where she is standing now. How should I let her takes him away?

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Aamer Is Getting Married

Yesterday he finally told me the reason why he doesn't want to continue any relationship with me. I felt dumped.

Aamer: salam
hey Frita
you there

Frita: waalaikumsalam
i got many orders today

Aamer: great

Frita: how r u?

Aamer: i am okay
not bad

Frita: nice to know

Aamer: how about you

Frita: im good today
very happy that i have a great day at work :)
u know, not so many time my clients give big orders

Aamer: good for you
they went there, and i will get marry soon

Frita: ooh god
r u happy with it?

Aamer: i am happy for them
all of them
sacrifice is the second name of life
i just wish they are doing whats good for me
you take care please
i think there should be the real end of our relationship

Frita: i see
im sure u r not going to feel bad about this marriage
i can see u love her too
it's ok
we're just not meant to be together
although i cant deny that it hurts me so much
but Allah has His own fate for me
somehow someday i will be there and be happy

Aamer: i wish you be back very very soon, soon as just the next minute
i got to go now

Frita: ok

Aamer: goodbye

Sunday, May 31, 2009


First day without him.... I barely can think of anything but him. I feel weak, very weak. I can't put on a smile on my face. I miss him a lot, it burdens my heart.
Do you miss me too?

Saturday, May 30, 2009

A Guy Like Belam

I red this short story a few days ago, a lil bit sensual but I like the messages. Most of all, I like how the writer describes this guy named Belam. He is all manly at appearance but as well as very gentle at heart. I'd like to have a husband like that :)

Here is the link to the story

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Save In Dreams

It's time to dive a little deeper in to my dream world. Life is too complicated for me to comprehend. I feel saver inside my dreams.
I'll be waiting for you to bring me back... don't take too long my love.

He's All I Ever Wanted

After sometime surviving from my lonely days which were sucking my happiness one by one, I finally were able to smile again the day he came in to my life.

It wasn't easy to open up my heart once more because it has broken in to pieces before. But he helped me to put those pieces back together. I don't know what it is that he did to me, what he said to me, what he showed me... I only know that he has made me fall in love completely for him. Everyday I can't wait to talk to him, to hear his voice, and to share my dreams with him. When I'm awake, it's him I'm thinking of. When I'm asleep, it's him I saw in my dreams. I guess he is there 24 hours for me.

I was very happy every time he told me how he loves me. He would say that he loves me more than the world itself and more than anything in this world. He told me how he long for the day when he can hold my hands, grow old with me, and still love each other even after having many kids. I never dreamed that reality can be this sweet. Time went by so fast, it was 3 months of beautiful moments I shared with him.

Another chapter began. He is still there 24 hours for me, but not in reality. He is less available for me, made me miss him a lot when he was away. He didn't say 'I love you' as often as he used to. It's getting harder to know where I stand. I even wonder if he still loves me now. I guess I need to face the truth. Maybe these were all just my dreams and now it is almost dawn... I need to wake up. I hope so much that he will be there when I open my eyes and just tell me 'Good morning my love, do you know that I've been waiting for you to wake up just to tell you how much I love you?'

I can't lose you Aamer... please don't let go of me. You're all I ever wanted.

Saturday afternoon, May 30, 2009
Dawn finally came, he woke me up with a goodbye. I can't say much, he just doesn't want me anymore...

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Missed My Lion

Been sometime... I've started to get used to be without him. Never thought that I was going to miss him today.
I've loved you once Saadat. Now I'll let you run free in your jungle

Sunday, March 15, 2009


This evening I'm home alone, my family is on a vacation for two days. They'll be back tonight. It rained heavily in the afternoon and left a cold breeze... it caresses the leafes, blows into my room, and touches me gently. It feels like a hug which doesn't make me feel warm but cold. I like the feel of the wind on my skin, makes me feel that nature cares about me.
I'm lonely. This is something I rarely admit since I'm afraid of looking desperate, needy, or abandoned. I don't like feeling lonely, makes me feel nobody cares. But I can't help it today, I'm lonely.
Thank you God for sending me your hug through the wind... it's cold but it shows that You care.

What Tarot Card Am I ?

You are the Hanged Man

Self-sacrifice, Sacrifice, Devotion, Bound.

With the Hanged man there is often a sense of fatalism, waiting for something to happen. Or a fear of loss from a situation, rather than gain.

The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.

The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. It signifies selflessness, sacrifice and prophecy. You make yourself vulnerable and in doing so, gain illumination. You see the world differently, with almost mystical insights.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Charming Prince

Swimming in the pond, jumping from one lotus leaf to another. When it rains, where would you find a shelter?

I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

This guy who sang this song is nothing like a sweet or romantic person from his appearance, but he sang a very touching song. Well maybe it wasn't him who wrote the lyrics... I love it. Aerosmith - I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing.


I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While youre far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And Im wondering what youre dreaming
Wondering if its me youre seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God were together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

I dont want to miss one smile
I dont want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
I dont want to miss a thing

I Would Kiss You Under The Rain

This is the third thing my husband posseses. HE IS PASSIONATE
Oneday we had a fight because he forgot our wedding anniversary even after I reminded him the previous day about it. His excuse was that he has been very busy at work that he forgot at all about tonight. We were supposed to have a dinner together at home, where I cooked some of the meal and he would bring the dessert after work.

But that night he came home very late, and not even bothered to let me know earlier. I have waited since evening and got very upset when he finally came home, looking like there was nothing wrong.

I just couldn't say a word to him and went to the backyard just to sit there and calm myself when I suddenly couldn't help my tears from flowing down. He has never been this clueless but tonight I just dont know him. I sobbed and my heart pained so badly. I heard his footsteps behind me, I don't want him to see me crying. It seems Allah listened to my wish, soon the rain started falling and without hesitation I stepped in to it and just stood there crying. He wont see my tears this way. I don't care if he thinks I'm crazy for standing in the rain like that.

He came to me without an umbrella, he hugged me from behind and said to me that he was sorry for tonight. He said, "My wife, I didn't mean to make you sad like this. I know it was my fault for forgetting our special occasion and I'm not asking you to understand why I forgot. But please don't reject me this way, I can't bear you upset on me". He then turned my back and held my face in his hands... looked at me in the eye and then he kissed me softly. I couldn't resist him and just cried even more for feeling so glad that he is still the man I love so much. "I love you more than you know", he wishpered.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

When I'm Awake And Sleeping

It's been 3 days I and he exchanging emails... we were discussing about him sending me an aquarium. This idea didn't come out of nowhere, we've talked about it back then that if he find another job he'll buy me one. Time went by and he seemed to forget. I brought it up again, didn't really demand him to buy me one, just wanted to tease him... in fact I would be happy if he just send me anything, his handwritten letter would be wonderful. I could keep it for a lifetime memory.

Today is day 4, he haven't replied to my message. I waited... awake and sleeping. When I was sleeping last night, he came into my dream. Morning came and I woke up expecting his message... still none. I fell asleep again this afternoon and there he was, sent me a message which I barely remember the content. All I know is that I was smiling to get a reply from him.

You fill my brain and my heart... Yes I choose to think about you when I'm awake, but when I sleep why can't you let me be in peace? You invade my dreams. In reality, he's never there... I don't forget, he, my lion is still running free in the jungle.

I remember a song lyric by Rick Price - Heaven Knows

why I live in despair
cause wide awake
or dreaming
I know she's never there


Feels like in a burial ceremony and someone is handing these white roses onto my coffin. No, I'm not going to die anytime soon, atleast I don't plan that. But if it shall happen... I want him to be the one who is handing those white roses.

Monday, March 2, 2009

A Better Man

This is from Shayne Ward, nice song especially because of its lyric.
Until the oceans all run dry
Until the stars fall from the sky
Even if words dont seem to rhyme
Ill be addicted to your smile

And if the wind blows out the sun
Ill still believe you are the one
No matter what we're going through
I'll plan to spend my nights with you

I promise you my heart wont fade
I swear to you my soul always
It isnt hard to understand
You're making me a better man

Baby my love will say it all
I'll always catch you when you fall
And if the hard times get too much
I'll still be craving for your touch

I promise you my heart wont fade
I swear to you my soul always
It isnt hard to understand
You're making me a better man

I dedicate my world
I dedicate my all
For every moment
Your leaving me breathless

I dedicate my touch
Forevers not enough
I wanna hold on
I just wanna hold on to you

I promise you my heart wont fade
I swear to you my soul always
It isnt hard to understand
You're making me a better man

It isnt hard to understand, your making me a better man

Monday, February 16, 2009

How Can I Move On When I'm Still In Love With You?

I went singing with my friends this evening and just came back with a mixed emotions. We sang some songs, have fun, and laughed untill it came to the song of Linkin Park tittled In The End... it was his song. I red through the lyrics and somehow I felt sad, it felt like I understand how painful those times were for him.

I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of a time when

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know

It got so far
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end

I felt empty suddenly... couldn't deny that I miss him so much. I'm wondering what he is doing now, how he is, and if he misses me. I feel like reaching out to him, hold him near and never let go.
Tell me, will I push you away by trying to get close to you?
I'm afraid your answer will be yes, so here I am writing all of these. Nothing much I can do to get close to you without pushing you away.
I miss you with all my heart... and it is because I am in love with you.
If that sounds weird to you, just ignore it. Take it as it is, dont ask why, dont ask how... it's just I am still in love with you.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

His Screen Name

Last Thursday I saw his screen name online at google talk, I think I stopped breathing for a while in my disbelief that he came online. I felt like saying hi to him but I held back. He might didn't come online for me, maybe he has another friend who uses gtalk.... and he came to talk with his friend.
I think none of my guess was right, he went offline after few mins.
I was relieved somehow, maybe because I wouldn't have to think about what to say to him if at all he said hello.
I miss him so much though....

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Save Gaza

Let's stop the war and dream in peace while you are sleeping. Read Al Fath 26-27, may Allah keep our brothers and sisters in Palestine safe.

Friday, January 16, 2009

...and I Miss You

I didn't count how many days have gone without you
I didn't count how many times you came in to my dreams
I didn't count how many letters this fingers tried to write to you
I didn't count how many tears felt like flowing down my cheek

Is it 30 days full of loneliness?
Is it every night I dreamed of you?
Is it millions of unspoken letter?
Is it as much as every drop of water in the ocean?

I never knew...
All I counted was the joyful moments I shared with you

You were with me everyday.. made me think you'll stay forever
You were my dreams come true.. made me think you're real
You read me into my heart.. made me think words are unnecessary
You laughed with me.. made me think there'll be no more cry

I never knew...
All I had with you ended that day when I woke up

...and I miss you