Monday, June 30, 2008
2 Heaping Cups of Kindness
2 Armfuls of Gentleness
2 Cups of Friendship
2 Cups of Joy
2 Big Hearts Full of Forgiveness
1 Lifetime of Togetherness
2 Minds Full of Tenderness
Stir daily with Happiness, Humor and Patience. Serve with Warmth and Compassion, Respect and Loyalty
I was born as a girl and gifted with a very deep trust on love, and as a complement I also inherit romantic soul and love to day dreaming. It's not always fun to have all of these traits because it hurts when my real life isn't as beautiful as what I'm dreaming of. Ok ok I know that everyone faces the same problem like that, but I tell you honestly that what I'm dreaming of are something beyond what most people could imagine hehehe... they are all too beautiful, too fairy tale, and too romantic... they're all just too good to be true.
Another thing that makes it uneasy to live with deep faith in love and have a romantic soul is that most people don't see it as a healthy and logic way of thinking. They would tell me to stop dreaming and just live the reality, nothing such as true love and I will not find my prince charming in this life episode. Uuh I hate when they tell me that and I just don't want to give up now. I will still have another 40 years to live and I will use it to the very best to find the love of my life....
Hi! where have you been all this times my love? You will have to treat me good for keeping me waiting for you this long. I'm sure that it will not take a big effort from you to make me happy because you just know exactly what to do and you do it from your heart ... all based on your love for me.
Hahaha I know it sounds silly, but that's the words I always want to tell him one day I meet him. He will be very happy to hear that and I can see myself in his starry eyes. I will never hesitate and doubt in telling him "I love you" because he is also very brave in showing his love to me all the time all the way. He will always make me proud to have him. Because he's simply "my man".
What can we do now? what if a little chat before lunch break? Ooh you want to take me to see the sunset this evening... where? yeah right, we can just go outside the office building and watch the sun sets, that would be nice. Ok, I'll be waiting for your call tonight before bed time. You know, I always like to hear your voice because it makes me feel secure and loved. See you later my man... I love you (wherever you are now, we will meet one day)
Friday, June 27, 2008
Actually, men are more likely to fall in love than women. They are also less likely to break off a pre-marital relationship and have stronger romantic viewpoints on love than their female partners.
Taken from: Dion, K. L. & Dion, K. K. (1984). Psychological individualism and romantic love. Journal of Social Behavior and Personality, 6, 17-33.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
There was nothing to say the day he left
Just filled a suitcase full of regrets
I hailed a taxi in rain
Looking for some place to ease the pain, ooh
Then like an answered prayer
I turned around and found you there
You really know where to start
Fixing a broken heart
You really know what to do
Your emotional tools can cure any fool
Whose dreams have broken apart
Fixing a broken heart
Now I don't understand what I'm going through
There must be a plan that led me to you
Because the hurt just disappears
In every moment that you are near, yeah
Just like an answered prayer
You make the loneliness easy to bear
Soon the rain will stop falling baby
And I'll forget the past
'cause here we are at last
He was talking like he's the good guy and I'm the bad girl. Gave me speeches about life and how to treat others ooh my God... why I feel bad about this? Why I don't like to hear it from him?
Is it because I'm really a bad girl and he just points out the correct spots? or is it because I don't trust him of what he's saying? I don't see him as a good guy like what he told me.
He said since I left, he has changed a lot. He reads Quran and pray more often, he feels happy about his job because he can help poor people out there. But why I hate the way he's telling it to me? What I feel is that he's an arrogant, trying to put me down by indirectly telling me that there's many things I need to learn about this life.
Astaghfirullah... please ya Allah, forgive me for being this mad while someone else is trying to tell me about good things.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
O my Luve's like a red, red rose
That's newly sprung in June:
O my Luve's like the melodie
That's sweetly play'd in tune!
As fair thou art, my bonnie lass,
So deep in love am I:
And I will love thee still, my dear,
Till a' the seas gang dry:
Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt with the sun;
I will luve thee still my dear,
When the sands of life shall run.
And fare thee weel, my only Luve,
And fare thee weel a while!
And I will come again, my Luve,
Tho' it were ten thousand mile.
by Robert Frost
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it's queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
by Robert Frost
There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more,
From these our interviews, in which I steal
From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the Universe, and feel
What I can ne'er express, yet cannot all conceal.
by Lord Byron
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
That women are mysterious and unknowable is something every young man grows up believing. Men, on the other hand, never think of themselves as mysterious or confusing, and we are often at a loss as to why women want to figure us out. But since you asked:
When you say we don't really talk to you or reveal ourselves to you, we wish you knew just how much we have had to suppress about our desires, pains, fears, and vulnerability over the years to conform to the script of masculinity that we are given. Sometimes we don't open up because we are afraid of what we will find. We are also afraid that if you see who we really are, in all our flawed humanity (and not the flaws that annoy you, like being untidy or driving fast), you won't like us.
Men do communicate, often very directly, but women sometimes cannot accept how simple what we have to say is. We seldom play games—we aren't that sophisticated. If we don't call you for a couple of days after a date, it is because either we are afraid you will think we are stalkers (and we will call on day three) or we aren't into you. That's all there is.
We are very insecure about how we look and what you really think about us, and we are excited when you do small, nice things for us like make coffee or come with us to the barber or just buy us a good book. We've been trained never to show this side to you, but it is there.
We are not subtle creatures. You might think that when you play with your hair in our presence, we know that means you like us. We don't know for sure. Men who do are bad men (sorry, guys!). And anything you've been told about playing hard to get is wrong.
We crave cuddling and hand-holding, maybe even more than you do.
"We are desperate to please you because we know you are more beautiful than you will ever admit to yourself, and we're confused (but extremely happy) as to why you like us"
"You rescue us every day in small, quiet ways, so why not in this way? Let us into your mystery, tell us how you would like to be loved, show us how to see you, really see you"
and this is something funny but also very sweet about men :)
"What men want is for their woman to love them so much that, when they are doing nothing at all, or are even doing something slightly "wrong"—flirting with the college girl at the Gap, say, invading the wrong country, eating leftover Indian food from the container, with their fingers, in their underwear—their woman just stands there going: "Isn't he something? Wow, look at that fine ass"
"Women want men to know what women want. And men want women not to want anything"
Why do you get so angry when some jamoke cuts you off in traffic?
Two things. Testosterone is one. The automobile is the other. See, we have this fight-or-flight thing programmed into our DNA, and when another male of the species challenges us, we are coded to get our hackles up. Add to that the fact that from the moment we got our driver's license, the automobile has been the extension of our sense of both power and freedom, and you have a perfect storm of nature and nurture creating a hostile response to a challenge to the things that make us a man.
That said, we know we need to just calm down.
You know when you just sit there with a scowl on your face, not saying anything? What is that about?"One thing that would help is if you would just rub the back of our head and mutter 'bastard' under your breath in sympathy"
Generally, it's not about you. We tend to take everything personally, and we tend to anticipate not what can go right but what will inevitably go wrong. So, whether it's something complicated at work or getting that stinking sliding door to roll right, we're consumed with the obstacles in our path toward success.
We can't believe you didn't notice our hair.
Yeah, well. That might just be something you will have to learn to live with.
You don't seem to like it when we tell you what to do.
Oh, you noticed. Look, we tend to see ourselves as the initiators of action. If we know what needs to be done, usually we'll get it done. In fact, we take joy in accomplishing things. Let's compromise. Just stick a list somewhere of things that need to be done. Don't put our name on it. It's just a list of tasks.
"We like tasks. We like doing them. We like finishing them. But we like it best when it was our idea to do them"
Oh, God. We love it when you sit down on the side of the bed and kiss us for no reason. We can't get over that. We love it when you ask us for advice on something that really matters to you. We love the way you smell. We love the way you smell right after you finish exercising.
We love the way you will fill a silence at a dinner party, and we love the way you give us guidance when it comes to our mothers. We love the way you look when you're half-dressed or half-undressed.'We love the way you look just before you wake up in the morning. We love it when you argue with us about something—movies, sports, politics—that really doesn't matter"
"We love your certainty, even when you're sure we're wrong"
Do you curious about how a monk finally decided to convert his faith? So, it was a long time ago when his friend gave him Qur'an which is written in Chinese language. As he read the Qur'an, he found out that Islam teaches more good things compares to what he has learned as a Buddhist monk. He felt compelled to this religion of Allah, and thus he decided to join Islam.
This is the steps:
1. Say Syahadat - Ashadu ala ilaha ilallah, wa ashadu anna muhammadar rasulullah
2. Say and understand the meaning of Syahadat - there is no God other than Allah, and the Prophet Muhammad saw is His messenger
3. Commit to fulfill 5 pillars of Islam - Syahadat, Shalat/namaz, fasting on Ramadhan, Zakat/tithe, and Hajj
May Allah leads him on His way till the end of his time... amien
Monday, June 23, 2008
I met him from the internet, no actually he was the one who found me. His name is Azeem Muhammad Shamsuddin. I had several talks with him and felt a lot attraction to him... and yes I fell in love with this person straight away. It was not more than 1 months since I knew him, and even though I never met him in person, I was couldn't able to hold back my feelings for him. So I took all the courage inside myself to write him an email in which I told him about how I feel for him.
Surprisingly, he replied with the best words I could expect. He said that he feels the same way and that he cares about me. That was the happiest moment in my life, I couldn't believe that he replied it in a positive way.
So then things went smoothly for about two months. We talked about future, how can we make it works, and I remember that he said he loves me. He would tell me everything about his activities there, and I would love to listen to him.
But then he withdrew little by little. He was not available anymore, I just didn't have enough time to spend with him. His studies, his friends, his leisures, and everything is more important than me. Until one day, he left to LA for a weekend, and he didn't tell me anything about it. I was panic, tried to contact him by any means, but he didn't reply. When he came back, I asked him where did he go.... he answered plainly just like nothing has been wrong, he said that he went out of city and he didn't check his email. I just couldn't accept this as a reason for not contacting me at all. I told him that I don't think he still care for me and I decided to leave.... he agreed.
It was not easy for me, I couldn't get over him that fast. I tried to talk to him again, it was me who always say Hi to him first. And it was him who say Bye first. Each time I talked to him, my heart got more pain. There was nothing wrong in what he said to me, he was still nice but cold at the same time. My heart broke again each time I tried to reach him.
Last time I said Hi to him.. he didn't reply. So I guess it's time to really let him go. I hope oneday I can smile at him when I see him holding hands with someone else.....
So this weekend me and my friends went for an outing at Bogor, it's 2 hours driving from Jakarta. We played paintball war in the morning, had lunch near the Presidential House, and then spent night by karaoke. So let me tell you a little about each activity :) ooh not interested? haha I will keep writing though.
Paintball war is an outdoor game, we wear army suit, get a gun with some bullets made from paintball, and finally we have to shoot the enemies.... Hunt them down! The setting was jungle area, and I just have to stop many times to catch my breath because I'm not used to running here and there, crawling on the ground, and hiding behind the trees.... what a lousy army hahaha. But I did get my friends down! I shot them on head, legs and hands uups sorry if it hurts. It was fun, but one of my friend got shoot on her forehead and it swelled plus bleeding... hey it was not me who shot her. We were all very tired but also cheered up.
After taking a shower, we went for a lunch near the presidential house. The place was nice and has a beautiful scenery. Nothing much about this lunch, we were all full and happy :)
Night came, we went back to Jakarta and decided to have karaoke... singing the sad songs, yeah most of us is single and still broken hearted, that's why we sang sad songs hehehe. Do you have any idea for us to do? I sang "One last cry" by Brian Mcknight.... yeah I love this song, even when I had a boyfriend, I still sang this song. You should listen to it, a very touching song.
So that's all about the weekend!
Friday, June 20, 2008
Initially, a Cancerian may catch your eye because of their romantic ways and dedication to you. But as you get to know them, you're even more likely to be drawn to your Cancer's practicality and ability to nurture you. People born under this sign tend to be true-blue, loyal partners who are willing to devote their hearts and souls to their close relationships. Because of the deep investment they'll put into others, Cancerians can be easily hurt and may seem overly sensitive at times. However, more often, Cancers are simply warm and compassionate mates. In the bedroom, you may find the Crab a bit hard to coax out of its shell — at least at first. Cancers can be somewhat timid lovers in comparison to other signs. Typically, a Cancer's nature is to value family above all else. As a result, If you can make a Cancer happy and earn that familial title, you can be sure that this partner will always be there for you.
I have never been in love with Cancer, but have tasted Taurus, Virgo, and Pisces. None of them seem to be my soul mate. I'm open to taste any other signs now hahahaha
You are a person that finds love being open, sencire and true. Your not affraid to show what you have or feel for that significant other. You can use your great wit to attract that person and make it stay, as a great trait, but being too forward, or quickfired in the beginning can make a relation end quickly. Have you felt before that feeling of jumping into something crazy? well than your in the right spot! Try taking things calmly and steady, in the end, what can grow in a relation is more powerful than great romance!
Reds are out-spoken, stubborn, and dramatic. They enjoy being the center of attention and have no problem saying what’s on their mind. A red will fight when challenged, and stand up for themselves and what they believe in (even if they know their wrong). The temperamental type: when a red feels an emotion, it’s usually a strong one and they tend to have a tough time hiding it; either that, or they don’t feel like it. You can tell when a red is upset, and it doesn’t take much to tread on their temper. Luckily, reds are changeable and don’t tend to stay angry for too long. Although reds may pick fights if they’re in a bad mood or sometimes, just for fun, they make strong friends. A red is the one in a group that steps into the lead and watches out for the other members. Because of their sturdy personality, reds often attract friends who are frailer in spirit or prefer to follow, and that’s alright with them. Reds prefer to be at large and in charge. A red is most compatible with a yellow or blue. But reds don’t mix well with other reds. While they may be able to coexist for short periods of time, reds tend to get on each other’s nerves before long and tempers flare. But for all of a red’s liveliness, they never have a problem with slowing down for a relaxing day of down time or showing off their style at the beach. Rock on Red!
Sure, sweet dates are great, but you know a more refined mind trumps all. With your smarts and love of a quick wit, you should definitely date someone who can hold their own when it comes to worldly affairs. From spending time on Sunday morning with the NYT to talking about a newsworthy event, you're most stimulated by a mature date that can keep you on your toes.
Is there more to attraction? Of course! But while good looks aren't something to totally be ignored, it takes a beautiful mind to really make your pulse quicken. Now that's smart!
No fuss, no muss — you're a practical beauty who doesn't rely on frills and passing fads to show off your style. Down-to-earth and oh-so-cool, friends count on you for good advice and a strong shoulder to cry on.
You know what you want out of life and don't worry about impressing others with over-the-top outfits and the newest crazy styles. You've got a healthy dose of self-confidence that simply radiates beauty and grace. And nothing's more natural than that.
Who needs a fling when what you want is the whole fairytale: long walks on the beach, up-all-night conversations, and watching sunrises/sunsets in each other's arms. You're probably a picky dater who doesn't connect with just anyone. Sure a strong intellectual streak, loyalty, and a great sense of humor are terrific selling points. But if your dates can't savor romance like you do, it might be the perfect match you're dreaming of. You're hoping to find your other half, that one person who can finish your sentences, someone who really 'gets' your inner emotions. And until you find them, you probably don't mind flying solo every now and then. That's because deep down, you know that being with the wrong someone is just an obstacle to being with your one-and-only. So even as you're reading this and thinking about how to find them, know that somewhere out there, they're probably wondering the same about you. It's just a matter of time.
Stand by your man — that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed to a relationship, you are a constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot of trust (in him and in yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with.
For you, mutual respect is of utmost importance. You are comfortable and confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he's striving to climb a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too.
This is from Facebook test, it said:
Based on your birthday: "You are great in managing everything in your life and this is how you gain respect from others. Because of this quality, you sometimes feel that you are better than the rest. Extreme confidence might lead you to the wrong path. You are a free bird and want to lead your own life. Your Love, You love life is rather different from others'. When you are in love, nothing can stop you. You may often fight with your partner but, soon after that, you will make up in a way that surprises others."
Strength: While outwardly witty and humorous, in reality they are rather serious, discreet and discerning.
Weakness: They make misjudgments and are sometimes proud and haughty.
Best Job: Self-employed.
The air conditioner is too cold here, I can tell you that this room is the coolest one in this entire office building. Poor me, I don't have enough fat to cover my body from this cold air.
I talked with my ex boyfriend in the phone this morning. His name is Rizky, but everyone called him Paul, and I call him Hani. He sounds sad and not energetic as usual, he said he's sick and very tired. Maybe that's the reason why... but I think it's because he misses me
I'd been with him for 4.5 years, it started when I was in university in Surabaya. We were working together to hold a one-day national seminar at the faculty. He was the Head of the project, and I was the secretary. So we went out together quite often to take care the stuffs for this seminar. There we got close to each other, and finally one day he surprised me when he said that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I don't know why, but I laughed so much that time when I heard him saying those words haha. He didn't say "you don't have to give me the answer now, I will wait until you feel comfortable telling me", like most guys do. Instead of saying that, he said "ok, I want you to answer it now and if you don't answer now, I will consider it as a NO and I will just go back home". I was surprised that he didn't even want to wait... what a brave decision. I laughed even more this time, but then I told him YES.
Actually that time I didn't really into him, but I don't mind his presence and attention to me as well... so I guess it worth to give a chance. He has been nice to me during the relationship, we spent time together a lot. Tried new things together, visited new places, and studied together too. He took me into his social life, introduced me to his friends and he made my years in university as the most interesting years in my life. I learned a lot from him on how to make good friends and fun social life... he's great in it.
After graduated from university, I applied to many companies for a job, and Danareksa was the fastest one that offered me a contract... so I took the offer and went to Jakarta, left him in different city, Surabaya. He was still working on his final paper at the universtity when I left for the job. Since then, we were having a long distance relationship. I visited him and helped him on his paper, but I couldn't make it to come to his graduation ceremony. He was a bit upset about that, because he attended my graduations and he was expecting to see me at his graduations too. Then, he went through a difficult moments as he was not able to find a job as fast as I did. My parents never really liked him, and him being jobless is a reason for them to ask me to break up with him. But I didn't give up on him, I was supporting him to apply to more companies for a job. Finally he got a job at a NGO which aims to improve the performance of micro and small businesses in Indonesia. He loves his job, and I was glad that I don't have to break up with him because he's employed now.
I never thought that this relationship will end, we were so contended with each other, and we even planned about getting married. But fate wanted it to end. I fell in love for another guy... and I took a decision to break up with Hani. I made him sad and broken badly. I hurt someone who loves me with all his heart and who has been very understanding to me... until this very moment.
Were I wrong to fall in love and hurt someone else because of it? I think I was wrong.
I hope you the best my lover, you will find a girl who can appreciate your love much much better than I did. I'm sorry for hurting you this bad.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I miss your love, since you've been gone
I find it hard to go on
The summer sky don't mean a thing
I thought I'd always be strong
I got a feeling inside
and it's making my heart cry, cause
I'm missing you
and it's making me blue, yeah
I'm missing you
but what can I do
Thousand miles away, from you
So here I am, and everything's new
I should be happy in love
but all I know, I look deep in my eyes
I've never felt so alone
and this feeling inside
it's making my heart cry, cause
I'm missing you
and it's making me blue, yeah
I'm missing you
but what can I do
Thousand miles away, from you
So what's the meaning of this
to be living like this
it ain't no fun at all
I wonder where are you now
(I wonder where are you now)
I miss your love since you been gone
I find it hard to go on
and this feeling inside
I just break down and cry
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I spent the first session of today's working day with a nice activities. I went to a company visit this morning with some of my colleagues, Sebastian (my boss), Novrita (my friend), and Dominic Hoffmann (intern from German). We visited Hexindo, it is a heavy equipment distributor of Hitachi Construction Manufactur- Tokyo, which share price has gone up significantly in the last few trading days. Some of our clients are curious about what is going on with this company's fundamental or its operation performance, and why the share price went up so fast. Hexindo's corporate secretary mentioned that they're going to sign a new contract with KPC, one of the biggest coal mining company in Indonesia, to supply giant excavators as a main heavy equipment in the KPC mining area. So we guess that's the reason why the share price went up recently as investors see a potential earnings upgrade for Hexindo.
Me, Novrita, and Dominic was sitting in the back seat of the office car, and there was our first conversation taking place. Dominic is 21 years old and doing his intern in my company for 3 months. It has been 3 weeks for him now, and he said that he enjoyed his work so far. I always wanted to talk to him, I think it's nice to know new people especially if he comes from abroad. We can see how their communication style differs from local people, and also to improve my english conversation skill. He is a nice person, smart, and also good looking hehe. The best part is that he laughed easily. We got lost on the way to Hexindo and the car was crashed by other car, but he laughed at it, I think he enjoyed the ride.
After that, we went for lunch at Loro Djongrang Restaurant, it is an Indonesian resto with old and ancient interior design. We ordered some food, which is not very familiar for Dominic, but he looked fine with it except for the chilly which was too hot for him that made him sweat hehe.
Second session went fast too, I talked with a new friend from internet named Saadat. He is a Leo, lives in Dallas- Texas, and a very nice guy to talk to. Saadat actually comes from Pakistan, but he moved to Dallas when he was 21 to study there. He didn't have much money to pay for his school fee, thus he needed to work at a gas station. However, everything is much better now. He is 28 years old, and he is working as a network engineer with night shift. So when I talked with him this afternoon, it was early morning in his place.. around 3am.
Alright, time is up now, I will tell you something more tomorrow.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
My friend, I miss him so much.. this is the guy who has taken my heart and has broken it too. His name is Azeem. He is simply the best I ever had and too good to be true... it is proven. Now I lost him. It's been two months since he left, though we still talk sometime, but I didn't feel him there for me, I'm desperately broken hearted.
If at all you read this Azeem... I miss you like crazy
it's early morning here my friend (ooh do I have any friend here?), I'm at office and just starting my day. Do you want to know what my job is? I'm an equity sales, I make several calls each morning to my clients... give them a market update about stocks, domestic and international news, and make a 5 mins sales speech on equity research report written by the analysts. After those calls, all I need to do is waiting for an order from my clients to buy or sell a stock.
So here it is, the market is open and goes down again :( Wait it goes up now hehehe it moves so fast like a rollercoaster, I'm sure you will never be bored if you invest your money on stock market. I wish my life moves like a rollercoaster.... I find it so plain lately....
I will tell you later about why this is happening to my life