Friday, June 20, 2008

to Hani

Hii! Good morning :)

The air conditioner is too cold here, I can tell you that this room is the coolest one in this entire office building. Poor me, I don't have enough fat to cover my body from this cold air.
I talked with my ex boyfriend in the phone this morning. His name is Rizky, but everyone called him Paul, and I call him Hani. He sounds sad and not energetic as usual, he said he's sick and very tired. Maybe that's the reason why... but I think it's because he misses me

I'd been with him for 4.5 years, it started when I was in university in Surabaya. We were working together to hold a one-day national seminar at the faculty. He was the Head of the project, and I was the secretary. So we went out together quite often to take care the stuffs for this seminar. There we got close to each other, and finally one day he surprised me when he said that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I don't know why, but I laughed so much that time when I heard him saying those words haha. He didn't say "you don't have to give me the answer now, I will wait until you feel comfortable telling me", like most guys do. Instead of saying that, he said "ok, I want you to answer it now and if you don't answer now, I will consider it as a NO and I will just go back home". I was surprised that he didn't even want to wait... what a brave decision. I laughed even more this time, but then I told him YES.

Actually that time I didn't really into him, but I don't mind his presence and attention to me as well... so I guess it worth to give a chance. He has been nice to me during the relationship, we spent time together a lot. Tried new things together, visited new places, and studied together too. He took me into his social life, introduced me to his friends and he made my years in university as the most interesting years in my life. I learned a lot from him on how to make good friends and fun social life... he's great in it.

After graduated from university, I applied to many companies for a job, and Danareksa was the fastest one that offered me a contract... so I took the offer and went to Jakarta, left him in different city, Surabaya. He was still working on his final paper at the universtity when I left for the job. Since then, we were having a long distance relationship. I visited him and helped him on his paper, but I couldn't make it to come to his graduation ceremony. He was a bit upset about that, because he attended my graduations and he was expecting to see me at his graduations too. Then, he went through a difficult moments as he was not able to find a job as fast as I did. My parents never really liked him, and him being jobless is a reason for them to ask me to break up with him. But I didn't give up on him, I was supporting him to apply to more companies for a job. Finally he got a job at a NGO which aims to improve the performance of micro and small businesses in Indonesia. He loves his job, and I was glad that I don't have to break up with him because he's employed now.

I never thought that this relationship will end, we were so contended with each other, and we even planned about getting married. But fate wanted it to end. I fell in love for another guy... and I took a decision to break up with Hani. I made him sad and broken badly. I hurt someone who loves me with all his heart and who has been very understanding to me... until this very moment.
Were I wrong to fall in love and hurt someone else because of it? I think I was wrong.
I hope you the best my lover, you will find a girl who can appreciate your love much much better than I did. I'm sorry for hurting you this bad.

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