There has been a lot of things going on in my life in the past two years. I needed to move to this city and started my first job. It was very hard in the beginning because I have to adapt to the new circumstances in this city as well as in the workplace. My boss was just a Bad boss to me, he never brought peace whenever he's around. We were all so tensed, depressed, stressed under his management. It went on for a year until he resigned and moved to other company. I can tell you that I was so glad about his moving out :)))
That one year was hard at workplace but I felt secure in my love life because I had my boyfriend (call him A) who always be by my side. Then, the second year came... I fell in love with someone else (call him B) and decided to leave my boyfriend. This new guy was never be the right person for me and what happened between me and him was just a dream that turned into a nightmare. I was really in love with him that I thought I have found the love of my life. Honestly, I tell you that I wanted to settle with him. But, he's not really into me. He didn't call me when he said he would. He didn't talk about the future of our relationship. He didn't want to know how I feel. He just didn't care at all. My heart broke and my dreams shattered.
It was a very virtual love story. So I made up my mind that nothing will lead to a reality. It started virtually and it has to end virtually too. He'll just blow away from my mind after some time, right? So this second year was ended with a sad story. I decided to leave him and rebuild my dreams.
Few months since I'm single. This A keeps calling me and tells me that he loves me so much. He asks me to give him another chance to get back with me again. I was recalling all the moments I had with A... those 4.5 years of togetherness. I remembered that we talked about getting married, I told him that I want to get married before my age is 25. He replied, "I think we should wait for some more time, I'm just 24 years old and I think I'm too young to get married. Besides, I need to have enough money first to make sure that I can handle all the expenses regarding this marriage". What do you see from his statement?
I made up my mind that he got his chance and he missed it. He didn't propose me when I expected that from him. So I guess he wasn't really into me.
Someone who is really into me will eventually find me.... will you?
Friday, July 11, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
I'm Sad
hiks hikssss
I'm so sad today... I need a bandage to cover this bleeding heart which you cut open. I don't understand why you keep calling me but at the same time you turn me down by waving a red flag telling me that I'm too good for you (what a smart excuse). If Greg reads this, he will say: "he's just not into you".
I know that.... I can see that you are not into me, but you're just beautiful that I can't easily let you go. Maybe the excuse I'm making right now is that this situation is better than nothing. I like your company and I just don't want to talk about "relationship" issue with you because I'm afraid that you will walk away. But I know too, that one day you will really walk away. Please let me hang on until that day comes.
I'm so sad today... I need a bandage to cover this bleeding heart which you cut open. I don't understand why you keep calling me but at the same time you turn me down by waving a red flag telling me that I'm too good for you (what a smart excuse). If Greg reads this, he will say: "he's just not into you".
I know that.... I can see that you are not into me, but you're just beautiful that I can't easily let you go. Maybe the excuse I'm making right now is that this situation is better than nothing. I like your company and I just don't want to talk about "relationship" issue with you because I'm afraid that you will walk away. But I know too, that one day you will really walk away. Please let me hang on until that day comes.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Great Movies
Here are some movies I like a lot... see if you like them too and see how compatible you are with me.
- Million Dollar Baby - hmm dunno the star
- Fight Club - Brad Pitt
- Forest Gump - Tom Hanks
- Artificial Intelligence - dunno too
- Cast Away - Tom Hanks
- Interview With The Vampire - Brad Pitt
- Beautiful Mind - Tom Hanks
- The Notebook - dunno again hehe
- A Lot Like Love - Ashton Kutcher
- Autumn In New York - Richard Gere
- Sabrina - I dunno!!
- Keith - Sorry :(
- You've Got Mail - Tom Hanks
- Titanic - Leonardo Dicaprio
- Pretty Woman - Richard Gere
- Unfaithful - Richard Gere
- The Bodyguard From Beijing - Jet Li
- House Of Flying Dagger - Takeshi Kaneshiro
- City Of Angel - Nicolas Cage
- Edward Scissor Hands - Johny Depp
- Lake House - Keanu Reeves
- Legends Of The Fall - Brad Pitt
- Far and Away - Leonardo Dicaprio
- Armageddon - Bruce Willis
- Gladiator - Russel Crowe
- Braveheart - Mel Gibson
- Troy - Brad Pitt
- 300 - dunnoooo
- The Last Samurai - Tom Cruise
- Big - Tom Hanks
- Finding Nemo - fishes??
Friday, July 4, 2008
Poppies
Poppy flowers. They can be extracted to a form of an addictive drug. They live in prairie, free and wild... yet so beautiful.
Love is like poppy flower to me. It can be found anywhere when your spirit is free and your logic goes wild in dreams... then finally you realize how beautiful is the feelings of falling in love, that it makes you addicted.
If You're Not The One
This song by Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One. I will wait for someone who will sing it to me
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If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And know I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
----------
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And know I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Old Emails
I spent today reading all the old emails and chat logs that I had with Azeem :(
It was exhausting, consumed my feelings... I felt happy for a second when I read one email in which everything was sweet. But then I felt sad when I turned to another email in which we decide to end the relationship.... huufff it's still hard to bear. I just can't believe that I let him slipped away.
It was exhausting, consumed my feelings... I felt happy for a second when I read one email in which everything was sweet. But then I felt sad when I turned to another email in which we decide to end the relationship.... huufff it's still hard to bear. I just can't believe that I let him slipped away.
What Your Zodiac Says about Cheating
The first one is the most loyal!!
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T A U R U S (21 April - 20 May)
#1: Is the most loyal of all zodiac type and the most dependable one. Taurus can be considered as a boring personality to some other zodiacs in term of relationship, because they tend to be too observed and stubborn
L E O (23 July - 22 August)
#2: Their loyalty stems deep from love which make them very sincere and willing to sacrifice many things for their partner. However, sometimes their ego makes them lose their loved one. Leo is a type who hardly forget someone who once entered their life. To the other zodiacs, Leo is considered as a charming one.
V I RG O (23 August - 22 September)
#3: Very careful in choosing their mates. Finding one is already devastating, so Virgo will not even think to cheat. They like to criticizes and fussy, this shows how much they care about their partner. To some other zodiacs, Virgo is considered to be too perfectionist that it could hurt others.
C A P R I C O R N (23 Desember - 20 January)
#4: Their planning on everything has consumed their time. Capricorn tends to think too much about their plans. For some other zodiacs, Capricorn seems to put a boundary in relationship with others. Cheating is just an intermezzo when they are bored.
A Q U A R I U S (21 January - 19 February)
#5: Doesn't like to cheat, but avoid commitment that involve deep emotional interaction. Aquarius tends to think and act distinctively. To the other zodiacs, they are considered to be too radical. If they finally cheating, it is their radical approach to end a relationship with their partner who couldn't follow their way of thinking.
L I B R A (23 September - 22 October)
#6: The hardest one to make a choice. Experiencing difficulties in expressing their selves. They often think in two ways for every aspect, thus Libra considered as secretive and 'not easy to know' type.
G E M I N I (21 May - 20 June)
#7: Need to be pampered to keep them away from cheating. Always want to be pampered and cared by their loved one. To some other zodiacs, Gemini is the type who constantly change
S A G I T A R I U S (23 November - 22 December)
#8: Easily tempted to cheat. Their expansive basic trait leads them to try new things as well as in relationship. To some other zodiacs, Sagitarius is considered as shiny and 'full of life vitality' type
A R I E S (21 Maret - 20 April)
#9: Need to be cautiously watched so that their passion doesn't go too much. Enthusiasm makes their desire burns to take an adventure in every thing. To some other zodiacs, Aries is considered as a warm type in term of relationship
C A N C E R (21 June - 22 July)
#10: The home queen, but once they go out they love to show their charm. Cancer always want to take care of their partner. Highly sensitive, they are very careful to not to hurt or get hurt. Cancer is considered as a very reserved type, makes certain other zodiacs impatient because it takes time to develop relationship with them.
S C O R P I O (23 October - 22 November)
#11: Will not let the temptation passes just like that. To them, temptation is another form of attention and rarely ignored by them. Scorpio is popular as an excellent lover. To some other zodiacs, they are considered as expressive lover.
P I S C E S (20 February - 20 March)
#12: The cheater who proclaim their selves as loyal lover. Pisces is very romantic in a way that cheating can be a wonderful experience in their life.
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Should I be a Pisces or Aquarius? 19th Feb here is Aquarius but I feel more compelled to Pisces.... hehehe I'm not that bad know, I think I can be very loyal to the man I love the most.
----------
T A U R U S (21 April - 20 May)
#1: Is the most loyal of all zodiac type and the most dependable one. Taurus can be considered as a boring personality to some other zodiacs in term of relationship, because they tend to be too observed and stubborn
L E O (23 July - 22 August)
#2: Their loyalty stems deep from love which make them very sincere and willing to sacrifice many things for their partner. However, sometimes their ego makes them lose their loved one. Leo is a type who hardly forget someone who once entered their life. To the other zodiacs, Leo is considered as a charming one.
V I RG O (23 August - 22 September)
#3: Very careful in choosing their mates. Finding one is already devastating, so Virgo will not even think to cheat. They like to criticizes and fussy, this shows how much they care about their partner. To some other zodiacs, Virgo is considered to be too perfectionist that it could hurt others.
C A P R I C O R N (23 Desember - 20 January)
#4: Their planning on everything has consumed their time. Capricorn tends to think too much about their plans. For some other zodiacs, Capricorn seems to put a boundary in relationship with others. Cheating is just an intermezzo when they are bored.
A Q U A R I U S (21 January - 19 February)
#5: Doesn't like to cheat, but avoid commitment that involve deep emotional interaction. Aquarius tends to think and act distinctively. To the other zodiacs, they are considered to be too radical. If they finally cheating, it is their radical approach to end a relationship with their partner who couldn't follow their way of thinking.
L I B R A (23 September - 22 October)
#6: The hardest one to make a choice. Experiencing difficulties in expressing their selves. They often think in two ways for every aspect, thus Libra considered as secretive and 'not easy to know' type.
G E M I N I (21 May - 20 June)
#7: Need to be pampered to keep them away from cheating. Always want to be pampered and cared by their loved one. To some other zodiacs, Gemini is the type who constantly change
S A G I T A R I U S (23 November - 22 December)
#8: Easily tempted to cheat. Their expansive basic trait leads them to try new things as well as in relationship. To some other zodiacs, Sagitarius is considered as shiny and 'full of life vitality' type
A R I E S (21 Maret - 20 April)
#9: Need to be cautiously watched so that their passion doesn't go too much. Enthusiasm makes their desire burns to take an adventure in every thing. To some other zodiacs, Aries is considered as a warm type in term of relationship
C A N C E R (21 June - 22 July)
#10: The home queen, but once they go out they love to show their charm. Cancer always want to take care of their partner. Highly sensitive, they are very careful to not to hurt or get hurt. Cancer is considered as a very reserved type, makes certain other zodiacs impatient because it takes time to develop relationship with them.
S C O R P I O (23 October - 22 November)
#11: Will not let the temptation passes just like that. To them, temptation is another form of attention and rarely ignored by them. Scorpio is popular as an excellent lover. To some other zodiacs, they are considered as expressive lover.
P I S C E S (20 February - 20 March)
#12: The cheater who proclaim their selves as loyal lover. Pisces is very romantic in a way that cheating can be a wonderful experience in their life.
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Should I be a Pisces or Aquarius? 19th Feb here is Aquarius but I feel more compelled to Pisces.... hehehe I'm not that bad know, I think I can be very loyal to the man I love the most.
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